anxiety and stuff

this isnt really a vent, but i wanted to see if anyone feels similar. a lot of the times i feel insane for the way my mind works with panic attacks n what not :p

i have anxiety and it can get pretty bad to the point it's hard to leave my house, and when i think about leaving i literally get sick. it's awful and pretty embarrassing, i wont lie. i've been getting better with managing it, but recently it's been getting pretty bad again. only a few things can get my mind to calm down, but when i'm not thinking of those things i'm constantly thinking just really bad things and really bad scenarios ITS SO ANNOYING

anyways i bring this up because an acquaintance of mine told me we should hang out this summer, which i have never hung out with this person outside of school and we haven't seen each other in person for close to a year. and last summer this same situation happened with another person. and for some reason both summers i have been having awful anxiety and constantly having a panicked mind. i hate it. i really want to hang out with these people, i really want to see people, but my constant state of panic makes it so hard to do that. 

i dont want to sound like an incapable person who coddles himself, ive been pushing myself out of my comfort zone and it really has been paying off, but i just get so in my head and i cant stop. i am very open about my anxiety to mutuals of mine to make sure they why i might seem off or be avoiding them. i really don't want to avoid them, but idk it's hard. i really want to see people, see things, do things, i just get so scared. 

guys i miiiiight be cooked