i hate summer

i used to love it. i used to love the birds and the animals and look forward to the sunlight. i used to wake up at 5 am to go birdwatching. for the first time in my life i feel angry when i hear them. it makes me sad that i used to love them and now i feel annoyance towards them. i want to go back to feeling excitement and constant interest to learn more about them. i hate the sunlight coming into my room in the morning. ive ordered blackout curtains and blackout canopy for my bed. i go outside and i dont see beauty in it anymore. its all too bright and loud. ive never been one to get overstimulated, this must be how it feels. maybe ive suddenly developed reverse SAD. every time i go outside i wish it was winter and it makes me sad. i loved the silence and serenity of this last winter. it was so white and blue and dark it made me so happy to be outside. even if it was hard to drive i was content just walking. everything seemed to be sleeping and everyone seemed calmer. i love the winter holidays the most too, even if i dont celebrate. seeing everything decorated in bright colors compared to the white snow made me so happy. winter nights were the best by far. snow storms at night bring me so much excitement. i do enjoy summer nights, when its really late. once everyone is inside and theres only crickets. but its nothing compared to walking all alone with only the sound of my feet on snow and looking at all the christmas lights. i dont feel motivated in the summer anymore. it just makes me want to stay inside and sleep forever. im lucky that my job is mostly in the back where theres no windows so i can forget about how bright it is. summer has just begun and its only getting hotter and brighter. honestly im fucking dreading it. all the kids are out of school so i have to deal with them. theres nothing wrong with them theyre just loud and the younger ones scare me because of all the germs. i had this one customer who used to be a regular and hed always talk to me about how much he loved winter and snow storms and how much snow we got. hes the only one ive ever met who only felt pure joy from winter and had no complaints. theres summer activities i love, of course, but now that im getting into the swing of being an adult i know i wont have enough time to do those things unless i get up ridiculously early. ive lost interest in going to the gym and doing classes with other people. they seem to be so much more upbeat and i dont know why but it bugs me. i hope one day i can make it to norway. id be happy with the weather all the time.