☆ IM FREE (AGAIN!!!)

Ive actually been free for a while, decided to go from full-time student to part time and decided to push my final semester to complete my final courses in fall

Wanted to say... but i procrastinated. bc its so fucking hard for me to sit down and fucking write. anything

But figured nows a perfect time than any bc...... im lowkey fucking anxious!!!

oooh boy here we come vent time!!!!!! cause its my fucking house!!!

was supposed to find a job while trying to fucking post since my 3 yrs of nothingness on my art accs

and so far I havent made anything thats worthy to post

Actually, I made 1 thing I posted and it was a banger apparently? but I couldnt keep the momentum bc the other stuff i tried making were like 30% shit and 80% made specifically just for me and maybe 2 other friends

and thats good! its good that recently ive been making art to satiate my hyperfix.

I went 1 yr putting my hyperfix to the side to try and lock tf into working hard for college

and let me tell ya

didnt work good, bc being deprived of ur hyperfix is like starving dehydrated and poisoned all at the same time mentally

(oh right forgor to mention. i got tha metnal illness. the wumbo combo mental illness burger (anxiety + depression) with neurodivergency (ADHD) on the side)

so again, good for me mentally and spiritually to make that Sweet Self Indulgence but not careerwise, bc I cant post any of the pieces dedicated to my hyperfix.

Last time i did it for some reason driven me to anxious madness (the rage kind, since my anxiety kinda manifests as rage and like, psycho kind. why the fuck did i have to be the weird kind of mentally ill lolllllll)

and also!

I procrastinated on the job part :pensive:, mostly bc I spent so much time before going to school applying to all the jobs out there, event the fucking customer service jobs, (or at least, all the jobs I can get into, bc I dont have any fucking references hksdgjksg) and only once did i ever get someone to call me back and i didnt get the fucking job.

So im figuring that, at least next month I should sit down and redux my resume.

But idk.. im also wondering if ill ever get a job

bc ontop of the fact that the job market is fucking miserable,,,, im a useless piece of shit <3

like theoritically I should have at least 3 references, but my dumbass was a terrible fucking worker at every job I worked at, and was a unoteworthy to terrible student in my classes so i couldnt rely on teachers as references

or I simply. fucking forgor to ask

ughghghghhghghghghhhhhh kinda wanna fucking kill myself lawl!!!