School suxx

I said I was going to do some life updates with this blog, and I don't have much interesting going on. 

I do have finals coming up this week and I'm so exhausted. I suck at studying cause I've gotten used to never doing it. I've been given study guides by all of my teachers but all I have to do is write stuff down, which is what I already do in class everyday and I barely remember anything. I'm definitely going to fail my math final because I already suck at math and failed multiple tests, but I also remember nothing. I might do some Quizlet practices to help with my German class, but I might just flunk and quit it next year. Everyone has been telling me to do it because honestly I'm not that great at German, but it's mainly just because I never know what work I have to turn in. My mom thinks I'm failing my classes because I'm not "trying" hard enough, but it's not like I want to fail or do bad. Every time I try to work hard or get something done it takes a lot of energy I don't normally have and overall, my brain feels foggy and I'm constantly mentally exhausted. 

Everyone acts like it's just a flip of a switch for me to "use my brain" and get things done, and I can't explain it's way deeper than that and I feel guilty when I procrastinate. I'm not doing it on purpose but I think everyone who scolds me about it thinks I am and it makes me even more stressed out with that extra pressure. I know I can do good, that I can do better. But I also can't. I already am doing my best I can right now. 

A lot of my friends are moving next year so I have to find a new friend group, which so far seems to be going ok. I'm just so ready for summer. I have a week long summer camp at a state college where I'm going to be doing marketing practices with a large group of people, we're going to be staying in dorms and everything. My grandparents and cousins moved to Florida last year and my grandparents recently added a pool, so I can't wait to visit and sit in the nice weather and also sip lemonade after taking a dip in the pool. I'm going to the beach with my best friend for her birthday and we're going to have breakfast and dinner together. Also to add, I'm going to be at the beach when I'm in Florida, boat rides, possibly Orlando this year. I haven't been to Orlando since I think before 2020. 

It's a mix of good and bad events. I have to get through the storm that is school and finals so I can get to the clear sky, which is beaches, swimming, friends and reading in the sun. 

I deep cleaned and redecorated my room, also removed some clothes from my closet. I hoped this might help with my school brainfog, it didn't. But I had been holding off for years to do it, so it feels good to finally get it done. And now with summer break coming up, I've vowed to myself to rebrand and actually do better come September. I always think there is room to improve more, so I'm really hoping that over my summer break I can really glow up again. Replenish myself like a dying flower whose begging for water and really bloom brighter than before. 

If any of you reading this has any tips for me, feel free to share. 

Ghost signing off. <3