Beginning of something new, maybe.

Life 5/27/24

I am majorly, creatively, blocked! I sit at my computer that doesn't have a fucking glass panel on it anymore!!!! Because I broke that shit like a dumbass and it'll take a whole month to get a new one!!! I stare at that shitty blank canvas and I just cant get myself to conjure up literally anything at all. I have so many ideas but I just don't know how to represent them on paper or whateva. I have this elaborate idea for a comic, yeah, it involves robots and space and time travel; the three best things, yeah? It also involves the sun or something... That sweet, sweet ball of fire that gives us life, yeah; and of course I can't forget to mention the EVIL robots. FUCK YEAH BABYYYyyyy, EVIL robots huh? TOTALLY Hasn't been done a thousand times over!!!!! Set in the post-apocalypse, even. I might even throw in fat, sexy, Latinas, the moon, and MAYBE EVEN some ALIENS for some of those extra, cool, sci-fi points! If only I could just bring myself to draw SOMETHING. That's all fun and games though... In the REAL life, I'm moving somewhere else!!! somewhere where the sun shines bright babyyyyyy!!! Down to the deserts of Cali; No rain and clouds all year around, no more shitty island, no more small town stores that close at 5 FUCKING PM, no more 40 degrees Fahrenheit, and last but not least, no more clicky assholes?!!?!? shit man I'll even be able to go shop at a Best Buy. 

I'm getting surgery on my knee, too. Which means I can actually be active and shit without fear of dislocation all the time. I won't be able to walk for like 6 weeks but its alright because its so worth it!! All of this does mean I won't be able to hang out with my friends here like, ever again in person because I'll be down for half of the summer, and then gone forever; But, at least we have two weeks to hang out a bunch. Unfortunately they are all busy, all of the time. Which sucks, you know? I have some plans with at least one of them tomorrow, but it might go terribly who knows? I have suspicions that none of them are all that fond of me, but I won't even have to worry about that ever again. Fuck this stupid island, fuck these assholes I call "friendsssss", and fuck everyone at school, fuck this dumb fucking state, and fuck this whole country, honestly. Moving means I miss the awesome Weezer concert I was looking forwards to going to, but it's whatever. The Weezer obsession grows by the day, man. I've listened to their entire discography, and I interact with corny ass twitter posts from the fanbase!!!!!!! truly terrible. I'm joking, of course. I'm also feeling insanely stressed about passing my classes.

I've been thinking about some gnederr things,,, I guess. I don't really feel like I'm anywhere on the gender spectrum, but at the same time I feel like I'm something that's wholly binary. I'm definitely not non-binary though. I feel like I don't lean particularly masculine or feminine, though. I've settled on labeling myself "agender" to make life easier for people who will never understand, but honestly I don't think I fit any label at all, and don't care to. Don't even think about suggesting some dumb fucking nonsense gender from an online wiki. I've been wearing more feminine clothes recently, and it's been fine I guess. I think I look like the right winger's stereotype of a trans woman when I wear them, though. I have a pretty strong jaw line, bushy eyebrows, thin lips, an Adam's apple that's kind of visible because I have shitty forward posture, and a deep, but androgynous, voice to top it off, and I pass pretty well as a guy. The thing is I'm not even on testosterone or anything, and I don't really mind, personally, I'm just scared other people do when I wear more feminine stuff. It's dangerous to be unlabeled in a society that sorts everyone into boxes. Anyways, I feel like with moving away, fixing my knee, distancing myself from certain people, re-considering my gender, and even getting into some new fandoms and making some new friends online, I feel like I'm starting a new chapter of sorts, in my life.