Disturbing Content On The Internet

I want to say before I discuss this that I will not be naming any of the videos, images, or texts I have read, only describing them. If you search them out that's entirely your choice, anddd while I do not blame you for your curiousity, what happened to the cat? Along with this, I will be talking about some pretty graphic content that I have viewed, so this is a TW. 

In my time as a teenager through the internet I have been desensitized to violence and sex. It upsets me, to be honest, that these things are as accessible as they are. You do have to go looking still. But it's not a journey into the depths of internet hell. It's a stroll into the neighborhood park.

I'm not the only one, and I'm definitely not the most affected. Some people actively see these things every day, they call themselves curators or viewers or fanatics. They are curious individuals who live every day polluting every day with every day gore. Now I am talking about gore a bit more specifically here.

However, this applies to porn too. And admittedly, my brain has been partially damaged, like some other teenagers by the endless stream of pornography available. 

And, truthfully, how can we say its entirely their fault? It is an addiction. It's a disease.

What am I trying to say. I have established the bounds and reaches by which the brain is polluted beyond measure through web content. I gave a TW. I cleared blame from these individuals as much as I could, or at least from you. But I don't have a solution. 

In the novel American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis, on the last page there are 5 words that say more to the reader than all of the ultraviolence and sex content of the book. "This is not an exit."

I can address what I've seen. I can tell you what I've seen. TW; I have seen men blow their heads off, I have seen bodies after the tractor plow, I have seen skin flayed by the cartel, I have seen alive things in a blender, I have seen people pulled apart by machinery.

This doesn't help though. None of this helps, nothing I am saying here helps. It feels hopeless. And I know not to feel that way. I don't see most of this stuff day to day, this is over years and years. It's not a prevalent issue in my life. I'm talking more about gore here.

I have veered away from talking about sexual content because it is a deeply personal struggle of mine and it continues to be. This isn't something I share with everyone. And it's not going to be something I share with you. That's not a diss.

I've been rambling throughout this piece. It's a blog, thats the whole point. I don't know if I even have anything to say.

I'm sorry to you. If you have or if you haven't seen these things you are aware of their existence. I'm sorry to those who have been exposed to the worst of it. I'm sorry to those who haven't. Curiousity is a form of humanity. Love is a form of humanity.

Now I have a message. Love curiousity. Love exploring the world, love understanding and learning. And don't let all the disturbing content in the world steer you away from learning what you love. Because viewing this stuff, that's not loving curiousity. It is an abuse of curiousity. It is mistreating yourself. So love it dearly. Soar on wings. Thank you for reading and goodbye.