they call it mercy

TW: implied murder and themes of mental illness

as i walk from the hoards of nothing i see a lamb 

coddled in innocence 

unaware of the cruelty of the world surrounding

you are so unlike me, little lamb

walking alone 

the only one left 

my thoughts carry the weight of an entire civilization etched away by time and war

they say it's the bombs that doomed us 

but i still think it's the greed

even in my hazmat suit

roaming the healing wounds of the earth

it is still the greed that my species caries that rots away at my sympathy

i alone was greedless

i alone was saved from the fallout

i alone LIVE where all else does not

stupid lamb does not know the cruel world like i

small eyes funneling to dull brains

they can only see the world in a muddy haze of color light and want

they will be born, they will get the urge to mate and they will die

simple minds never truly grasping any knowledge

i alone stand with my far superior brain

thanking

feeling

perceiving

ONLY I AM LEFT

ONLY I HAVE THE MIND TO SEE THE EARTH AS IT IS

it is not greed that drives my perfect body

but instead an unrelenting thirst for knowledge

for the history and truth of every man woman and child to be engrained upon the greatest human to have ever lived

for i survived the fallout

and it was not dumb luck

and yet i feel the hands of time massaging my mind

smoothing it like a pebble in the sea

I AM NOT A PEBBLE

I AM THE OCEAN

and yet i can feel the knowledge of the world slipping away

that so is why i must write!

i am still the best, do not be confused, this is not an admission of imperfection for that would be a lie

i am simply writing down all my knowledge so that lesser life forms than i can one day learn of my perfection

i am NOT forgetting

facts are not dripping out of my ears, drowning me in my suit

that is not true

how dare you

still, i must write 

stupid lamb

it cannot even read

it does not know the evils of the world

i hate that ignorant creature

i carry each book in my bag once it is full of my knowledge

it is very heavy and i am very proud

i hobble over the earth, eyes glued to the paper

feverishly tainting it with my mind before i forget

NOT THAT A GOD LIKE ME CAN FORGET

i hobble along my train, the weight of my bag finally crushing my suit

i gasp as i feel the new air fill up my body

OH NO

the same air that maimed the last owner of this suit after i pulled him out of it kicking and screaming

stupid man

i was far more deserving of life

i remember him begging

begging for him to have the suit so he could stay with his family

i could not allow anyone else into my new world

a knife works surprisingly well when piercing hazmat suits

i dumped their bodies all into the same grave

he wanted to stay with them and i am no monster

still, the air fills my lungs as i feel the time that corrodes my perfect mind turn to acid

my hands still write

i hate that damn lamb

i take deep janky breaths of this new air as it rattles my perfect body

i wither

i crawl

my hooves gently grazing the earth below

my knowledge pouring out of my downy pointed ears, my flat little nose and my cleft fuzzy mouth

i try to scream 

one last show that I AM HERE AND

I

AM

GOD

yet all that comes out is a brittle bleat

i look upon the world with new eyes

i see no cruelty

only soft shapes and colors as i am led by my own instincts

the bag falls off my back as i crawl out of my suit

papers scatter the length and breadth of the world

all covered totally with words i cannot read

markings i cannot understand

my soft body keels down with exhaustion next to my ewe mother

little body soaking in her comforts

i am no better than any other animal

i close my wooly eyes and rest

many years later travelers of the stars will find this paper planet

they will find the little lamb that is my body

they will find my papers

"insanity" they will call it

cabin fever

a rotting mind

they will call it mercy that the last human was able to escape his fate 

they will call the velvet body i retreated into a blessing

every detail of my kind flushed away and still they call it mercy

i cannot know if i agree

i cannot know anything