:( [vent]

sometimes i hate how sensitive i am, cuz like. wym i'm crying bc my bff got invited to one of our mutual friends birthdaypary even tho said mutual friend also brought her bf?? i just. i struggle with inviting myself places and getting to know new ppl, and this mutual friend is one of the few ive actually made and been close too, but i just can't help but feel left out. she said she could only invite 2 ppl so I'm not holding anything against her or my bff, but i just. i feel sad. i feel left out and ignored, how i've always felt my entire life. i've always been the convinience friend, the one who you hang out with when you have nothing else to do. I've always had to make the plans, but no one ever makes the plans with me first. i'm never really invited, i always have to invite myself. it just hurts, and it reminds me how i'm never anyones first choice.

usually i'm okay with the solitude. i don't like going out often, i prefer to be by myself, but is it really so much to ask to want to be included?