yapping...

Hello!! i am writing today because i am soso anxious right now. i had a call with my therapist and i was soo nervous about it! (he never actually called me.) i hate talking about that stuff, especially with a man.. im going to request a woman i think, hopefully that will make me feel better. i have been feeling extra bad lately in general, this just kind of tipped me over for some reason! but thats okay. 

today i had some yogurt with granola for breakfast, and some coffee. it wasnt bad, but i was still hungry after. my head has been so full of thought lately! its really bothering me actually. too many incoherent thoughts clouding my mind. i need to change my medication too.. its not working as well as i would like. is this stuff TMI for a blog post? it probably is.. but i love TMI!!! i love to overshare on the internet!! its so fun to just talk with people. some people on this website are not the best conversationalists though.. 

about a week ago at this point i got starbucks. i very rarely buy coffee, but when i do it always hits so hard!! i love love love buying coffee though, its like a reward for going out into the world. i ordered a cinnamon dolce latte.. it was quite good, i just wished it was a little bit sweeter. it would have been really good with whipped cream or something of the sort.. coffee always tastes better buying it than making it yourself. but maybe thats just because i suck at making coffee myself. 

i love to talk about things!! writing things out always makes me feel soo much better. its like deep cleaning your bathroom, but like inside your mind. getting out all of the clutter and extra nonsense thats not essential to think about.. i will probably say this in every blog because i literally love it so much. idk WHY but i just love to declutter my headspace!! 

speaking of mind clutter.. i have "into you" by paramore stuck in my head right now. its so stuck omg. like plz i LOVE paramore but i cant with this song. I HATE WHEN SONGS GET STUCK IN MY HEAD. just kidding (kind of), if any song were to do this to me im glad its hayley williams.. btw i hope people maybe like the song on my profile. i think that song is really good. (impala- videoclub) but to be fair, i usually keep this website muted. i dont like the sudden burst into song!! if im curious about what song it is then ill unmute, but generally i dont want to hear it. 

i really want to change my style. ive been dressing rather emo since like 6th grade and im a little tired of it by now. i still like it, but its just not me anymore (and thats okay). i guess it really was a phase, but theres nothing wrong with having phases in life! to me it seems people always make "it was just a phase" seem like a bad thing and i never really understood that. like why does it matter.. thats like the whole point of being a teenager anyway! figuring out what you like and how you fit into the world.. its all good to have phases. thats my opinion on that (i care about this specific topic, because it angers me, just a little.) personally i would rather be less grungy and wear more pink and girly styles. ive never really been comfortable being so girlish when i was a younger teen.. but now that im getting older, i feel more comfortable in my own skin and im really grateful for that!

i think im finally running out of things to talk about.. so maybe ill end this one here. if you read this i love you!! but if you didnt, thats okay too (i dont blame you).