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Can someone here "decode" my feelings for me? (vent I guess)

Hello peoples :] 

Um, to start it off idk if the title's a good title for what I've written but it is what it is. Also I know I'm in the LGBT+ community somewhere, but I'm not sure, so yeah. Oh and I did not re-read this before posting, so there may be some grammar errors.

Uh, what this post is about:

Early today I had written this big rant/vent about idk, inner turmoil or something, how I felt about my gender and other things, so yeah... I kinda just need someone to 'advise' me as to what I 'am' I guess...

Here's the big rant about me:

I dislike (very strongly) when people call me a girl, and I'm actually starting to notice it more, and I'm starting to hate it. I'd love to use he/him pronouns, but I feel that if I were to tell people, they'd either judge me or think that I'm just doing it to 'fit in' (basically people will blame it on an 'internet trend' and that it's just a phase or something)

Like on one hand, I LOVE being 'like a boy' but on the other hand I like long hair, and flowy skirts. I know that clothes and hair don't actually have any gender so I can dress how I want, and having long hair is actually completely fine with boys but idk. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to be a boy, but I like acting like a girl. 


Maybe I'm genderfluid. Idk. I'm not good at thinking about who I am. Honestly, I wish I could just tell someone how I feel and they would just tell me what I am. I'm sick of not knowing who I am. I want to be able to identify with a community or some sort. Like I've been questioning being a therian/alter-human, but I'm just not good with understanding my feelings and how I act, so I'll never actually know.


I have found something that I may be, but I may not.

It's Simigender. "individuals who don't necessarily feel like they are completely binary trans, but prefer to be perceived as the binary gender opposite their AGAB rather than as cisgender or non-binary."

The issue is I could be trans and just be scared or something, or maybe like slight internalised transphobia. Idk. I don't feel like a girl, that's the main part.


Another thing is that I think I may be Rat Ace, "an asexual individual who prefers cuddles, hugs, kisses, and other affectionate and even sensual non-sexual acts over sexual acts" but (again) I'm not good at understanding my feelings so idk. 

I'm also not good at understanding romantic feelings and honestly, I could actually be aromantic.

Like a year ago, someone came up to me and essentially told me that they like me. I had no idea how to react as I had firstly, never had someone tell me that they liked me before, and secondly, I've never felt as if I liked someone. It's that or I don't know what being romantically attracted to someone feels like. I'm not sure tho. 

Anyways, I had kinda just stood there and idk, it was awkward, I can say that. I did later on tell them that I think I liked them, but I'm pretty certain that I just manipulated my confusion, shock and not knowing what romantic attraction feels like into a "If you like me, I guess I have to like you" type situation. idk how to explain it.

Like I could just be aromantic but not want to be so I'm actually trying to link my feelings to other labels or whatever they're called so that I don't have to face the truth. Idk.


I really hate not knowing anything about myself, and it's really annoying, but I know I'm not good at understanding my feelings and just myself in general, so it's possible that I'll never know who I really am.

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Daisy's profile picture

does sound like you're aro-ace in that description (or at least on the spectrum of both)

as for gender, try to see if your feelings with hair and skirts are more just about the items than the presentation, like there's cis men that like those things (Drag queens come to mind), gender pressentation or even just clothes aren't gender per se

for gender is always best to just look into what you want to be treated as, rather than what clothes you may or may not like (as clothes are a very fluid preference and don't have to allign with any gender, really, it's just that society does Cisgender Society Shit)

either way, I hope you get to understand yourself and remember that you can always make up new labels like others have done before you if the ones you find don't fit
also being unlabeled is totally fine too

good luck <3

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Hats 9999

Hats 9999's profile picture

Sorry if this wasn't well-written/is hard to read or understand.

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