life update-ish

I have one more day of school which is today. It's around 1am right now and bruh I cannot sleep. I am so obsessed with people that they are all I can think about and all I dream about. So now sadly, I'm scared to sleep, I wish that things were easier and that I didn't obsess over people. JC which is my ex, I think made another account or relogged in and I tried to add it but it's a private account. He DMed me and asked me why I kept requesting. I told him I was just having some fun and he was like okay blocked. I told him bye hon and that I loved him. Bro told me I was trippin, he hasn't even began to see how batshit crazy that I am. But I am not 100% sure that it's his account but I honestly don't care. It's worth a try when you know they secrectly want you. I am just honestly one big attention whore, I will do just about anything to get attention when I want to. I have Discord and Snapchat for a reason. Nothing really seems to bother me minus me losing the people that I am obsessed with. My soul mate, she has me head over heals but I know that I can't be in a realtionship with anyone right now, like JC told me, "I'm never going to hate you, you were my first love", I hold onto that hope that the universe will bring us to each other when the time is right and he is a better version of himself. Like it honestly broke me when I found out that he was on a huge amount of drugs again. I knew he wasn't going to stay off of it long when we were dating but in the same way, I'm not really mad about it, I still love him like I did when we were in the hospital. At some points I just want him to love me and not care about the drugs, I want him to do the things that I know he can do. He's smart and knows how to live life, he's just subborn. I'm crying on the couch right now because I miss him that much. My soul mate has been slowly taking away this craving and need for him so I guess she is super special. 

XOXO

LSSHOOTER