kinda weird but like
i'm pretty "i'll act how i want and say what i want", but for some reason when it comes to our did specifically i get so nervous about saying anything about it. i'm so worried about how people will see that, and honestly it terrifies me when i don't know what's going on
but i've been trying to get better with this, mostly stepping back but not too far so that i can do something if anything goes wrong but i wish i could be more?? normal about it???
i dunno, and it feels really weird too because no one irl notices anything and apparently cases tend to be more obvious or something???? so what if i'm faking!!!!! what if i should just kill myself!!!!!!!!
even talking to other system friends about it or other alters talking to them terrifies me because what if they decide i'm faking and cancel me like those 2020 groups AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
okay that's super unrealistic they're some of the best people i know but STILL it feels like i'm killing myself socially every time i say or do anything out of place
i need to keep acting like myself because that's the only way that i know is safe!! acting any different or getting interested in anything new is too risky, because what if any of my friends don't like it or find me weird????????????????????????
especially since i've messed up before. i can't mess up again, i don't think i'd be able to keep living if i somehow hurt any of my friends again
they're all so wonderful and i just don't want them to leave me
Comments
Displaying 0 of 0 comments ( View all | Add Comment )