i want to love him

But im literally his last choice XD .I kinda know alot of things about him (NOT IN A CREEP WAY/ its on public display),I studied him, learned the things he liked. Its not me being an edgelord ,its just about my feelings towards him. He does have a partner but by letting my feelings go I think it would be really boring to live. At this moment i think i dont really love him. Im more likely obsessed with that feeling. but it hurts somehow when i realize Im just his silly friend. AND I WONT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE IM NOT INSANE