therapy

just started attending sessions two months ago. the whole thing has been surprisingly cathartic. i say surprising because i honestly didnt expect any effects to manifest so soon for me. my anxiety has been crippling since 2019 and id only started rebuilding my confidence way back 2022 only for my progress to hit a road block in 2023. so for this much progress to happen within a few months when it took me a few years to get back on at least one foot is really really shocking.

this isnt to say i had low hopes for it to work. i knew what i was getting into, at least partially. being pretty openminded while also being a psych undergrad gave me bits and pieces of what to expect. but seriously it feels like getting slapped in the face lovingly.

onto the results, well, ive been more self-aware than ive ever been in my life. self-awareness is probably the source of most of my progress now because until several months ago, i was more than happy to spend time alone than even imagine myself be around other people. it was tiring to think about the possibility of getting overwhelmed, underwhelmed, or worse rejected. but isnt that literally everything in life? tiring? or at the least, takes some work? acknowledging my own failings and the possible unreliability of my current headspace gave me the headstart i needed and i think ALWAYS needed. just didnt know how to address it.

it feels like purging my system or shedding my skin. its freeing. aside from myself, i definitely have my doctor to thank. she was, and still is, with me throughout this journey so far. hopefully, we'll reach the end of the road some day. no rush though.