Updateeeeee, life thoughts, and first dates :/

Ayyyyy

So yeah I gave him my number and he hasn't texted 😭

Idk I've just been down in the slumps since yesterday fr like I know ian supposed to revolve my life around it but it's hard to do so when you find somebody you think you might have a chance with.

Yes 1 day is still not that long, I mean, I'm looking forward to this weekend cause idk maybe he'll text then and ask to do sum over the weekend. 

But idk I'm like rly scared that I was being rly creepy about it and idk I got like 3 of my friends opinion on it cause I just don't wanna come off weird so 😭

Idk I've only been in 1 relationship and before that we were really good friends so I've never really tried to pull someone ig

But idk I can't let it effect me since I've got finals and all and obviously life goes on and in the long run ian gonna care about this but I mean, it's not like saying all that makes me feel better at the fact that I don't know how long this will last for and that I have to accept that I'll be lonely for a period of time I'll never know.

Idk I just look forward to the fact that sometime I might pick up my phone and low and behold he's texted. Then I'm absolutely screwed LMAOOO

Like what would I even say?? 😭

Tbh like what even are some good date ideas?

Omg I just remembered seeing this tiktok comment being like "CUTE FIRST DATE IDEA: Mormon Church!!" Like girl 😭

Anyway, I think a good first date would be a short walk like in the woods or at a park then pick up ice cream and watch a bit of a movie or j talk in the car.

Idk, tbh a lot of this comes up cause of the fact that summer breaks coming up and I honestly don't think I could handle spending a summer alone. Like, I know that I have a few friends and family to go to but like I mean being alone without a partner or having a "romantic" summer or sum yk?

Also because of the fact that I'm really starting to doubt the fact that I might have a High School romance, you know? And yes, yes, it's all about perspective and the fact that I will find somebody and it wont matter then, but I remember seeing this post that was honestly completely real with the fact that being gay, it doesn't get better. You really just have to accept that it doesn't, and make the best out of it. I mean, I can consider myself optimistic, but its hard to hold out knowing the fact that things will stay this way for some time.

Anyway, this blog has definitely been a roller coaster of emotion and thought, but I guess I'll be fine, just gotta keep myself busy and maybe periodically think about the possibility of receiving a text from you know who ;)