oh i'm a massive fucking idiot

SO according to this link, 1/3 of UK employers are "reluctant" to hire a transgender person - whether it's because they transphobic, or they think it's too much effort to accommodate a trans person (transphobic), etc. 

I did not register this in the "are you one of those damn minorities" parts of the applications I did for apprenticeships and stuff, and I wrote in my real name (not the legal/dead one lmao).

Where possible, I asserted I was a cis man whenever the category for gender forced me to pick between "man/woman/transman/transwomen/secret slur (what a god awful thing)." If they asked me if I was AFAB, I ticked yes. So there's an admission of being trans in some spots, and when I went to open evenings, it was kinda hellish because wow - I can't pass to save my life.

I know I could've done better, so I'm gonna do an experiment. Next year (if I don't kill myself over the summer), when applications reopen, I'm going to insert my deadname, make myself look as cis as possible. That'll be dead easy.  This is because of a comment from a transfem reddit user about the different between job offers before and after she came out - 5 offers to 1. 11 job interviews and 1 offer post-transition, and 6 job interviews and 5 offers before. This made me reconsider myself and whether or not I'm dumber than I really thought.

If I get a spot, I'll socially transition within the job itself. I don't trust company commitments to inclusion n shit, have you seen the BBC? Exactly. 

Tomorrow I have my a-level politics exam, and I snuck in another practice essay and my teachers marked it so I have some idea of what I'll get on the real thing. I'm trying to be hopeful.

It's gonna be hard since I really wanted an opportunity to finally be myself w/out restraints since I have 1 month until I'm homeless and it's a perfect opportunity to present as myself, but the world doesn't give a shit. My favourite teachers probably just think I'm a lesbian.