going to be done with middle school

i feel like ive missed out on so many things these past 3 years!!!!! i didnt experience life the same way i experienced my online self and that reallly hurts! 

i have struglled with depression and my neurodivergency so mcuh and so i use pinterest and medias to fill the void. with my biggest fixation being something pretty niche and mmy irl self being so bland and uninteresting i guess i turned to the internet to make myslef seem way cooler and fun than i actually am. its warped my perception of reality and made it hard for me to connect. 

my taste quiz thing is so ridiculously accurate :-P i am always the second option in a friend. people use me because they know im good at a lot of subjects (which im always happy to help but sometimes it gets tiring getting used for answers all the time) but dont reach out outside of school,, dont try to connect with me...... its so lonely. i have a few close friends but they dont ever do anything irl just we talk a lot over text and disc. seeing all of the pretty, nice, smart popular girls makes me so sad (；′⌒`) i know they also go thru bad things but its the way seem like they have so much fun!!!!!!! im so jealous

all of this is related because i am going to be starting highschool in august and going to be in the ib program (stresses me OUT!!!!!)...which is an amazing opportunity but i just feel like it came too fast. i wish i could replace some of the years in a way. like eighth grade has been really good (unlike 7th where i was so lonely) but got bad around late march and now its over. all these friends i made and then i have to lleave almost all of them. (i have ONE friend from my school going to hs with me) and the school im going to is 30 mins away from everyone else's :( overall im just sad to leave even though its been LITERAL HELL at this school.

i hope i can go thrifting and do a bunch of cool stuff this summer when i start freshman year ill be way happier...........its probably not gonna happen......summer is always my worst......but......happy thoughts right?? lollll

ugh sorry 4 the rambling but i needed to fill the blog space anyways 🎀＼（〇_ｏ）／