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Even though I'm one of those people who journal incessantly and are glued to their planner, sometimes venting through a keyboard is more satisfying.
I'm in this weird limbo of my life where some things have finally fallen into place (i.e. a good job, partner, place to live) but the rest of the world is in chaos. I mean, things are getting better, kind of? At least I feel like there's some optimism to be had with vaccines rolling out.
But my life feels stagnant. Not being able to do anything or see anyone has fucked me up way more than I thought it would. I mean I'm restless and agitated and on edge all the time. It takes a lot of energy to be cognizant and remember that things are not back to normal yet.
I finally have a job where I'm stable and not stressed to the point of sickness anymore and if I wanted to take time off I'd be able to, and now I can't! I can't see friends or family because I'm not selfish or reckless enough to put them, myself or anyone else at risk.
I keep bouncing from feeling frustrated and restless to feeling guilty. I'm in a better position than a lot of other people. So I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to feel this way because in many respects I am extremely lucky. My partner lost his job back in March of last year and it's been hard on his self esteem. Places aren't hiring and as if it wasn't hard enough for someone without a degree to get a job before, in COVID times it's even harder. It took me 2 years to get a good job with benefits and I have a degree and 5 years working experience.
I feel bad because I don't have enough spoons to help him some days because I'm tired from working and having a flurry of emotions from frustration and guilt all day. So I feel like a shit partner on top of that.
I hoping that writing this will help me get out of my head some and try to put things in perspective upon reading it back. I'm just having a hard time.
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SusieQ84
I feel like I am in the same headspace. I finally landed a position in my company that doesn't stress me out after being there for 9 years (the benefits are decent). But yes, I agree it is super frustrating to not be able to travel/vacation anywhere but your couch and it feels like cabin fever is setting in. My one "escape" where I can see people is a weekly virtual knit night that I run on Thursdays. If you're interested in joining, IM me your email and I'll add you to the weekly Google Meet invitee list.
Oh my god, that would be amazing - you have no idea!! I'm gonna PM you. I don't have anyone to talk to about knitting or yarn with and I would love to join!!
Congratulations on your promotion!! I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in these weird headspace feelings. I really hope things get better soon for all our sakes.
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