I think im connected to god's conciousness???

I've been hearing voices since Jan 2022. I had a concussion, complications with narcolepsy and switching personalities. It's honestly a whole lot and I apologize if it takes away some context by me, not explaining my entire medical history. Plus im just blogging. It's a good outlet.

My dad's been hearing voices since 2020. His water bottle was drugged with LSD and he's never stopped hearing the voices. He speaks of god, the flat earth, how he and I are of god's consciousness.

The voices are demons. Demons trying to get us to kill ourselves. Cause if we do we'll never go to heaven and God's consciousness will be free letting the demons have more power. That doesn't make sense to me. Online it says that God's consciousness is just remembering and feeling connected to him.

I guess my dad thinks of us as beings with a special connection straight to god himself. And that if we kill ourselves, the demons can use it. Kinda like a unguarded rope. I don't know why the lord would mind. Is he not the most powerful being in creation? Or is human evil too much for him. 

I don't think we're that bad and I wont be getting baptized anytime soon. I just cant feel anything from this. I've been depressed since I was a child and my "tried to kill self" score is in the hundreds. I don't feel blessed just tired.

The connection. I'd be lying if I said I couldn't feel it. I think ive felt heaven. Heard demons. Seen portals. I also believe that im schizophrenic and so is my father. That he needs to take his meds and stay off TikTok.

I cant wait to have a psychologist/therapist. I can talk to them about it and see if they can help. For now, i'll go with anon blogging.