Thoughts at the 22nd hour

I feel as if though I am an inherently unserious person. That I must put on an act of Unsincerity. I want certain things. Things to me that seem to be very easy things that could be. But reality seems to at every moment dark comedy-like present me with pathways for those things to occur and then destorys them in my face laughing. I can't stop thinking about that woman, bless her soul. I hope that there is some aid in my future time to Obession. I want to relax. I cannot. 

I just want to feel like I am loved. I feel like a tool for humor. I feel like a complete outsider that has no worth besides a funny joke every once and a while. The things I enjoy are just too weird for society to get. I cant I cant. My dreams have now superceded by waking expeirence.