Spiral's Spiderlike Soliloquy #16

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?!?!?!?!
a.

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Okay, now that I got that out of my system, hi. Decided not to write anything yesterday, as I needed to let my emotions and thoughts cook and simmer. I've spent like... Three days inside and I feel my sanity slowly slipping away. As such, I'll be going out with friends today to drink! Drink what? Who knows! Coffee? Beer? Cider? Probably cider. A decision I will come to regret. Can't believe I'm the one who took initiative to, you know, gather people around and all. Usually I am the one who shows up when invited, rarely the one who invites. Change in dynamics for once!

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Letting aforementioned "emotions and thoughts" rest overnight did very little to nothing to actually help them settle in my head. I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on in the little organic computer that is essentially my brain. Don't care either. Don't need to know, don't want to know, as long as I'm not feeling inherently negative, I am FINE.

***

Uuugh... Um... On another note, I started... reading! Alice's Adventures in Wonderland! I have a very nice little physical copy that I bought on the street several months ago. I already read through like 50 pages in... an hour or so. Granted, there are pictures/graphics in the book and the formatting might be a little spacious and all, but I am still quite pleased with the fact that I even managed to pick up a book and at least start reading it. I've always felt some sort of attachment to Alice- this stems from my elementary school days. God, how I loved the book- its translation. But now, I'm able to read it in its source language! How delightful, I think. And it's not too hard to wrap my head around the words and all. It's a very nice feeling. I hope I won't ditch this book like the one I spent like 20-30 dollars on and then never read again. Ugh.

***

Been thinking about how long its been since I quit Instagram. My SpaceHey account is officially one month old, so basically, I've been away from Instagram for a month as well. My body still kind of feels strange because it has the urge to keep "scrolling endlessly" for slop content and things I've already seen like tens upon hundreds of times, yet I persist and resist the urge. I feel quite nice and isolated from the world, yet I manage to stay comfortable. In touch with the people I care about, not in touch with people, things and events that do not concern me. I could get used to this slow-paced lifestyle. Could use like... A decent job to distract myself and get money and whatnot, but other than that? Living like this is quite fine. What do I know, though. The less I think about things, the better. I think everyone who struggles with stuff should think less. Our brains are too used to thinking and being active all the time- we often overthink things. We seek to take initiative, when sometimes all we need to do is let things flow naturally, as they are. Everything will happen when it's time for it. Things will come when it's time for it. One must work towards improving themselves and making themselves into something, but to force such changes is detrimental more than anything.

Just take it easy. It'll be fine. This is a message from myself to myself, and to whoever needs to hear it. You'll be okay.