hai guys

lately Ive been feeling like I cant be helped, that I dint deserve the good things that have happened to me. It feels like I didnt earn it. It sucks that my math test, worth 66% of my grade, is probably something I failed. I thought it was difficult for everyone else but they said it was fine for them...idk. I feel really stupid. Why? I tried to pull myself together to study, and I did. I did study, I went through the topics again, but the test just ended up being harder than the tutorials we were given beforehand. Im really scared now, I feel lost and stuck. But I cant feel like this now. I have to push it away and deal with the other piling work I have.

It's not that its difficult, I have no motivation to complete it. I feel like a lazy bum, and its killing me. I know its my fault, I got myself in this mess. I was so overly ambitious and now its come to bite me back in the balls. Sometimes I rlly contemplate if its all even worth it in the end.

I cant even tell my friends, I dont want them to worry, I cant tell my parents, theyd tell me its expected (I guess Im suddenyl not allowed to say Im stressed). Funny how I trust a bunch of strangers on the web to listen to me rather than ppl close to me. Im just waiting to be taken advantage of. Classic stupid jarebear