Entry 11

how i manage to keep making things worse is beyond me.

i always think im saying the right thing, and then it's so easily misunderstood because not everyone thinks the same way, and i feel like an asshole. even trying to reiterate and explain what i meant seems to just dig me in a deeper hole.

i feel like im destined to ruin all of my connections. i dont know what it is about me that finds the easiest ways to destroy everything i get involved in. like a walking bad luck charm, embodiment of a curse or something. even when i really really try to hold onto and make sure things are going smoothly, learning and adapting, changing my bad habits for the better to ensure im doing everything right; and somehow in some way i still manage to slip up and mess something up or not communicate properly and it ruins everything i have built up. it's like starting completely over from scratch. it's so overwhelming.

im just so overwhelming.

but then i remember, it's okay to be overwhelmed. it's okay to feel this way. it's how you deal with these feelings that matter. instead of harboring those emotions in a bottle until they burst, let them out and get them sorted. not everything has to result in a fight. it's okay to step away from situations until you can come back to them.

and i remember that i am loved.