screaming into the spacehey void

DUDE ok so

our host has this situationship going with someone from another system and i'm so pissed off because they both kind of agreed they'd love to have partner systems just not each other right? because that system has some personal stuff that i wont get into even if it's anonymous. AND I ALSO LIKE SOMEONE FROM THAT SYSTEM AND IT'S LIKE. it's fucking torture because we barely talk but i see the way that little shit treats people and UGH it's adorable. but i don't want to throw a wrench in their shit and i kind of wish they'd just get together so i can get it through my head that it's NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. i'm a negative emotions holder, i have only rage and guilt and betrayal in my fucking blood, and then here comes this sweet and sunny protector and UGH. i hate that they're both fronting right now and i hate that i feel this way and i hate that i can't get this through my own thick skull. whats fucking wrong with me?