Reflections at the crossroads of love and pain

For the past month, I've been feeling like a downer. I've lost a lot of people who I once considered friends. The feeling of loneliness has been consuming me deeply ever since, and it has been getting worse than ever over the past few days. And when I say the past few, it's since my girlfriend left me because of a mistake I made. I've been feeling worse than ever; the feeling of guilt for what I did is something I'll never be able to shake off.

I can't go about my daily life anymore because everything reminds me of her: the music I listen to, the video games I play, even my way of talking brings her to mind. I don't know what to do anymore; I can't see the meaning in anything now. I don't know who to say "good night" or "good morning, how did you sleep?" to anymore. I've been in love with others before her, but never at this level. It feels like I'll never be able to get her out of my head, and that's... breathtaking in some way.

At this point, falling in love with someone to this extent, I can't imagine what my future will be like. I don't think I'll ever forget her, never, but at some point, I will have to turn the page and move on. Until that moment arrives, I'll never truly know.

For the moment, I have more problems, like my lack of social ability after this. I can't talk to someone without triggering my nervous tic of the eyes, and I can't talk to the people I most rely on because all I can see in their eyes is disappointment. Right now, I'm in an intermission of my life, not talking to anyone unless I don't know them or I really need to talk to them. I go to the mountain every day just to think about why I did that to the only person I have ever truly fallen in love with, and I will continue like this until I find the answer or until I do the thing I've been thinking about for the past 3 years.

No one knows what will happen, so,