5/12/24

the misery etc etc i feel like a neet . our mother helped us clean our room and i 'm kind of killing myself about it because i mean it being a shithole was a symptom i guess but i still . i mean thats still horrible . i wont get too into it i guess since this is public but it just sucks really bad

i'm tired . the weekend went by too fast . i stayed up until 3am watching a yanderedev documentary last night and i paid the price kinda. i had tea for the first time in a few days which is cool and i 'm keeping up my medication streak

i also finally got lightbulbs in here which is strange but good i suppose . not good for the vampire side but good for everything else . like staying awake . i can actually see more than the christmas lights showed

im hoping and fucking praying that she doesnt find my razorblade because itll be so over if she does . like it looks better in here but we aren't done . i get to shower after which is a little funny because i have like 0 clean clothes left i hate not having a washer at home but either way i am looking forward to showering because i feel fucking grimy and i do not want to stink . iwanna shave too but my electric razor is out of batteries and actual razors are hard to use

i need to clean my binder i might hand wash it to be honest we have detergent and i could use a rag to plug the sink . i could wash multiple clothes like that in fact .

by the way i lost my mcr shirt . so . you know . i have to die . shit was like $25 if i don ' t find it i ' ll cry . it's boring otherwise i guess things just kind of suck but when do they not . this is kinda heavy to be talking about here but i just want to get my thoughts out so i don't know . longform blogging is refreshing .

i wanna nap but i don't know if it's  allowed actually . ugh there's so much trash to take out and i'm terrified of our grandfather yelling at us over it . on the bright side there ' s nothing either of them could say to make me hate myself more .

see you later .