daily diary

14th September 2024

i feel so bad

17th May 2024

16th May 2024

i got a little sick, so i stayed at home, even though i had to go to school. today i was trying on and hemming my prom dress, my father wants me to look mature and mature, he doesn't like my style and the way i dress, but i just want to be a little goth girl lmao

feel a little uncomfortable

then played saya no uta with my bf and watched tommy cash clips :Р

15th May 2024

i woke up to the fact that my mother wanted to go with me to our old apartment, which is currently being renovated. i haven't been there for a very long time and there are so many different memories in it, a very strange feeling

then do basicly nothing all day

14th May 2024

today is memorial day, so there was no study, i woke up in the morning from the fact that I had to go to the cemetery

then it just stagnated all day

i honestly don't understand how anyone can follow me or my work, i'm so ugly, it seems to me that everyone is massively cheating when they compliment my appearance. im very jealous of others and their lives, i cannot perceive myself without makeup, i so want to be beautiful without all this, i have an eternal feeling that im just deceiving others and actually look much worse. although even with makeup, i look like a mid, i spend a lot of time putting on makeup and putting myself in order, while others just need to do a little makeup and at the same time look much better than me. im so tired.

top video of the day:

• Vessel - Red Sex
  

13th May 2024

it was very scary, i fell asleep and woke up thinking about the terrible day ahead.i don't have enough grades in physics, my teacher is very scary and strict, and i didn't have enough grades for grading this quarter. my annual grade in the certificate depended on the grade i received in this lesson and this would affect my admission to the 10th grade

i had an essay that also influenced my annual grade, i'm very scared that i wrote it badly

before physics, i was shaking very much, i couldn't answer a lot of his questions because of stress, when i'm at the blackboard, it seems to me that my brain is atrophied

we were picked up from chemistry class at 14:00 and forced to go to the stadium, everyone was forced to run for some kind of video, but i was in a skirt and i was very lucky

it's my dad's birthday and I had to go to my aunt's to pick up a gift for dad, after which my mom picked me up

i was so tired, i was dealing with this vacuum cleaner all day, and then they forced me to go to math, i was very angry =_=

I tried PITAHAYA for the first time

(it wasn't really good)

top video of the day:

• Modeselektor feat. Tommy Cash - Who

12th May 2024

there were supposed to be extra chemistry lessons today, but i didn't do my homework, because it's very difficult, and i didn't want to go to this lesson so much, i missed a lot of classes, but i just don't have the strength to go there, exams are in a couple of weeks and i feel very bad because for this, im not preparing for this and blame myself for it, but i'm really very scared and I really don't have the strength to do anything.

tomorrow is dad's birthday and i made him a cake :3 but it came out too ugly and i won't show it to you.

my boyfriend missed me very much, so we want to meet in a couple of hours, but i'm so scared that my parents will find out that i blatantly lied to them and skipped class, knowing that i have exams soon, and they will think that I did it because of a boyfriend, i don't want them to think badly of him

i returned home, was very tired and my legs hurt

im very afraid of tomorrow, i do not have enough grades in many subjects, and the end of the quarter is very soon, i need to have time to write an essay, but it is already quite late, and get up at 6 am

(will I be banned for this?)

11th May 2024

was exhausting, i studied biology and studied for exams for half a day :2

then, i had a photosession bc the end of the year. it was near the river and at first the weather was good, a little gloomy, but not hot and not too sunny. everyone was afraid of snakes and ticks, but it was a little funny

it started raining about an hour later, i live an hour's walk from this place, and no one could take me home

it was a little cold and damp, but overall it wasn't that bad, my teacher drove me home

after coming home, i ate a little and painted

top videos of the day:

• Поход к Слоновой ноге. 1996 год
• Смерть мозга (пробы, симптомы, диагностика)
• АСМР. Энергия огня.