Ahhhh, that makes sense

Every have those "ahhhh, that makes sense" moments that feel like a big twist in a movie? That's what has been going through my head this last week. As I have learned, bipolar 2 (or bipolar depression) contains symptoms that look identically to other diagnoses, many of which I have been treated for in the past.

The most damning evidence is my 1st and only experience with anti-depressants. Apparently, while people who are diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder do well with SSRI's. My talk therapist and my primary care both thought I fit the bill, and I thought I did too. But those mades created the worst experience of my life. Until recently I just described it as them "giving me insomnia," but in the hindsight afforded by learning, I see pretty clearly that the meds triggered a hypomanic episode, which is a common reaction for people who are bipolar. 

That story helps me accept the diagnosis, but my reflection on my life through this lens is revealing showing that this is not my first manic episode. I've had a lot of thoughts on this, but the thing I feel the most is relief. The thought that the highs and lows I experience go beyond the average range for human beings is such a relief. I start out on a mood stabilizer today. I know it's still a long process ahead of me, but I have found an organization I really love already that seems well suited to helping me through this journey.