life update

I'm currently on a week long break from uni, a lot has happened, I've been feeling a lil less lost tbh but i think thats just cause uni gets me too busy to think. I feel like everytime i get in uni mode I lose my sense of self a little bit, like I don't really like my major (not that i hate it) I just want to get it done and make money but still i feel like i have to excel at it (which i don't do) and that shit takes all of my brain space. I can't control it, and it makes me feel so sad when I gain consciousness again and I realize I lost the image that i was pursuing for myself, I know it might sound dumb, but like, even the way that i dress changes cause i just don't think about it anymore, of course it can be a good thing i mean getting yourself away from caring about your image or sm shit, but i like that. I like feeling like i look how i want to look, i like listening to music that i like, i like watching movies, i like digging deeper into my hobbies but university takes all that away. And not just even that, I even feel dumber thinking about this cause then i go oh shit i need to make money, i have thik about my family, i have to take care of my health and here i am worrying cause i lost the "vibe" idk, i am very conficted on the matter, i am just ranting. But maybe i feel like being busy doesn't allow me to feel my feelings and that scares me. I cope 

studying music wouldve been a teerrible idea for me