why liminality strikes me personally

when i was little, i went to lots of places. i went to makutu's island, i went to swimming lessons, i went to preschool, i went to the mall, i went to the supermarket.

nowadays i dont go anywhere but home, school, and maybe i'll go to a relative's house, rarely anywhere special.
these picture bring me back to before i understood anything, i was bewildered by everything i saw and so i was brought everywhere to see everything.
i don't get to do that anymore.
the only way i can experience this bewilderment is to see photos of places similar to ones i saw, but with the only part i was bewildered by: the environment itself. not the time i spent, or the people around, because i had no knowledge of the impact these things had. i went to a new house, and i didn't think "i like this vase" or "i know who lives here". i thought:

"what's in there?"
i went to the park. sometimes i stayed late. i came at day and left at night and sometimes never saw the same place again and sometimes went there too many times to see it as a whole, a big picture again, and i didn't understand this yet, i only thought childs' thoughts. if i were to go there again and again i wouldn't think "this is creepy" or "if i wait here long enough will i wake up at home like i do all the time?" i thought:

"i want swings here."
i was too young to appreciate it. i was bewildered, sure, but that was short-lived. now i see the beauty in these places and i cannot be anywhere similar ever again. i miss it. i do. but i cannot say to anyone "let me go here" because i can't find any place similar. i can't go on a map and say "let's go to makutu's island". if someone were to do that to me my initial thought would be "are you crazy?" and then i'd remember my perspective here and say "let's do it, then." but i am never thrust into such situations. i have no control. i get no choice. i am stuck. what would i do there anyway? stare for a moment and leave? i know some appreciate the imagery but if i were somewhere similar i wouldn't be ecstatic or anything. i might take some pictures... and then i'd be done. i have no bewilderment anymore. i cannot go there, and if i do it doesn't feel the same. these pictures let me feel an iota of the sensation, and so i resort to looking at all these pictures. the internet is faster than physical transportation anyway.