! I'm a climate crisis victim and oh, I was also dumped

Porto Alegre is Gotham City right now. We had a flood. A massive flood. People are calling it O diluvio. The flood. Things are never going to be back to normal.

But my apartment is safe, I'm still unemployed but have clean water food, and electricity. I'm fine. The vibe is, that I am not sure when I am going to see my loved ones again. And I'm scared as fck.

My friends are also ok. Good good, good. It's been a while since I last saw them.

I'm alone in this state but I have a small found family. It's not much but gosh, we help and love each other.

Anyway, I have been dating this person since before last year's October. They said I love you first. We were boyfriends/girlfriends. They never introduced me to their family cuz their mom was homophobic and all that.

And they dumped me. Like, in the middle of The Flood. The reasons were ok and fair, we are different people with too different lifestyles. But the timing, gosh, what a shtty timing. Not only that but the execution was sloppy. I was bringing them a surprise chocolate because they relocated to a place nearby and they dumped me. Said a lot of ideas, and projections, of how it was not going to work out, and everything. But the thing is, none of that was shared or communicated before. All these insights about OUR relationship, and they didn't think about sharing with the person they are in a relationship with? I got so sad.

I feel kinda used you know. Like a gumball that someone chewed until it was not tasty anymore, and then it's now on the street.

Anyway, I unfollowed them even on stream, and Spotify. My scorpion rising come out these times. I'm so pssed off right now that I'm like, ok, you'll not have any more part in my life. I opened up to you. To be dumped in a 10-minute conversation during The flood? You will never hear from me again.

I keep having flashbacks of our sweetest moments. Fck that makes me sad. I'm an idiot.

Anyway so now I am in my fleabag era. Sadly. I do not say this proudly but I don't want to give a try at relationships again. Casual sex, kissing, and fcking friends, these are great. Relationships? pfffffff. No.

So I'm fcking strangers when I want to have some thrill. Sht's so hard, I'm terrified all the time. I need a thrill. To escape the dread.

Some days ago I went to fck the sad waiter at the Mexican restaurant on the side of my street. Most liminal sht I've ever experienced. His neighborhood is without light, so it was pitch black. We walked up 8 flights of stairs, and the apartment was a maze, turn after turn after turn. Sometimes he went to the bathroom and it seemed far far away. His room was simple, with no decoration. He had warm diet cokes to share, weed, and two cigarettes. He smoked all mine.

It was a nice enough sex but with a random and awkward vibe. How to not be we all are traumatized by this catastrophe.

But at 6 am I had a panic attack because I was afraid I was hearing rain. I couldn't stop thinking about getting stranded and who would feed my dog. I dressed and left, my legs all wobbly as I went out the make, down to the underground. He accompanied me there.

Went back home, took a Rivotril, and Slept. I have not seen my ex, or the sad waiter again. yet. let's see.

I'm currently listening to this, the ultimate break-up song of the end of the world. If you have any recs, please share. Only break up songs please. No love songs. 

I'm seeking a friend to the end of the world.