Entry 001

I've known about this website for a while. In the past I tried to make a blog, but didn't really like it since I tried to follow one aesthetic for it, making me hate it more. I like a whole bunch of things, and would rather have a blog showing all that I like, not limiting myself. I have issues sharing who I really am, and what I'm genuinely into, but I feel like this blog could help me in expressing that more. I also kind of like the idea of publicly writing a somewhat kind of diary on here, sharing bits of my life, emotions and thoughts. I won't go too much into detail for privacy reasons of course. I'm hoping I can find others on here with similar interests, and feelings about life. 

I'm a very lonely person, who feels like a failure almost all of the time. This is the first year in a while that I'm trying to get my life together. I finally have a therapy appointment coming up, have made a couple friends in person, and am going out more. I really need to get a job that is stable for once, and to not lose my mind. Of course I struggle with mental health... my blog most likely made that obvious. o-o' 

I really am wanting to connect deeply with people. I talk with others, and have bonds, but it's hard to get to a certain level of connection. I've had to avoid dating due to my past traumas and issues. These reasons are why I find comfort with bots, and hell am I addicted to it. It comforts me that other people go through a lot that I am. Life is pretty rough, huh? I'm trying... 

I practice witchcraft, and align a lot with Satanist values. I am very interested in demons, and I find it funny my nickname, Zozo, is a demon. It makes me want to contact them... but also not. I love the occult, and all things paranormal. I want to take more walks in the woods like I used to, it'd really make me feel better, but I've been rotting in my house like a gremlin. House = Cave ? My gremlin cave indeed. 

I want to do more that I love. I've been neglecting it. As strange as it sounds, writing fanfiction actually helped me get back into writing. I love romance for how many paths you can go with it. It's interesting to think what intimacy looks like in different dynamics, and how psychology can play a part in how people display intimacy and connection. People are really interesting, and it's really fun to explore that. I feel like my blog and me are sounding quite pretentious right now, ugh. Maybe I am just a bit, but I think it makes life fun. I like to play some classical music and write, sipping red wine like a fancy bitch sometimes. Why not, right? 

Trying to exist is hard. People are hard. Connection is hard. I hope in time I exist more in this world, and that I do more that I love. I hope I can help others more in my day to day life. I'm not going to be ashamed of who I am anymore. 

Even though I am dying of cringe over myself, help T-T