me & my gun

its cold metal presses against the side of my head, a familiar feeling.

memories of all the times i would hold it against my temple and fidget with the trigger, a shaky hand and heavy breath, a single tear traveling down my face, dropping off at my chin.

the gunshot is deafening, and i don't really process it at first -- i didn't pull the trigger. i watch as he falls with a thump, his gun, his baby, falling next to him with a bang and then out poured his blood.

i watched as the beautiful scarlet liquid flowed out of his head, i almost felt guilty for staring. i felt guilty because he was just as beautiful as he was.

i remember dad would take me shooting. he taught me how to use a gun, i was terrified of even being near one. i shook like a scared puppy whenever i held one in my hands.

but now the feeling is comforting. the weight in my hands, the cold steel against my warm skin. lives now depend on me, they depend on my willingness to pull the trigger.

now its my turn, i must follow the leader. 

my entire life i was a follower, and i will die one -- a sheep, a lamb to the slaughter. 

ready 

remember every moment you spent with the ones you love(d), never forget them. apologize for everything you've done wrong and pray that there is a god somewhere, and that he lets you in. close your eyes and take a deep breath. this is your moment and your time to make a mark, your turn to be the one laughing. 

aim

your shaking, stop it. don't get scared now that you're at the end, stop overthinking this. you've prayed for this day for years and years, you never thought it would actually come. the fact that the idea was even agreed upon made you giddy, you yearned for the sweet release since then. let this be something that is forever stored in peoples memories, always there at the back of their mind(s). they won't forget you, they won't forget us.

fire

forgive me.