my 1000th rant or whatever

i feel like im in this state of perpetual confusion. im so damn hesitant about every action and i barely understand anyone else. i swear to fucking god,  you can give me the most clear instruction with every detail id need to know and id still be confused. i hate it so much. i dont get what i dont understand. on top of that, i have YET to see reality as an actual place and not just some screensaver i could tune into when im bored in the back of my mind. i can stare at something for a million years and not be even half convinced it was actually in front of me. i dont know whats happening. i think this is worse than dpdr or something. please god someone help