Life is Beginning

Hello, it's been a little bit since I've updated here. I haven't been on the website at all, much less my computers at home. My charger broke on my Chromebook, but I recently got a larger HP Laptop, which is super cool! It was an early graduation present. Speaking of graduation... 

I graduate on the 23rd of May (this month) AND I turn 18 May 10th!! ((this Friday.)) Holy shit, I am becoming an adult soon, and I'm going to be on my own soon by the time summer is over. Hopefully, I'll have a fucking car. That's what's holding me back these days, is a car.

So, I'll go in order of what's happened so far:

I went to prom with B! I had so much fun and he was so handsome and sweet! He continues to be sweet as well! We are currently 5 months together, and recently did *IT* for the first time! The circumstances weren't perfect but oh well, still enjoyed! I have recently received my cap and gown, and I am trying desperately to fix my work ethic. I am failing one class, and practically passing all my other classes.. I think. I have a problem with attendance, but I think I will be able to make it up once exam week comes along. 

Nothing much else has changed, besides isolation. I haven't really had too many episodes or hallucinations. I'm pretty much the same, only with a newfound drive for life. It's really starting to set in I'm going to be an ADULT. I'm going to have to do shit, and there's not much I can avoid or procrastinate in the adult world. Or so I tell myself. 

Regardless, I am trying desperately to change my ideology when it comes to work and doing things. I know it sounds silly, talking about adulthood like it's something special or as if I have to become a different person. Personally, if I don't change the way I am up a bit, I am going to fail as an adult. I have the hardest time driving myself to do anything. 

ALSO, I got a scholarship! Of course, it's just a community college with a large % of acceptance, but it's still something. I think I will begin college in the fall, hopefully. I am going to have a job during the summer, and I would like to save a great deal before I am completely on my own. Which, my step dad did say he would help me with some of the bills. I also have to pay for my own car insurance as well. I may consider getting a roommate to help with the bills, if I can think of anyone who would want to live in my small hometown. 

Anyways, my class is going to end soon, so I should probably end this now or soon. I don't have much else to talk about, except B. We are crazy about each other.. I have never met a boy like him before, even while dating others. No one has treated me with the tenderness and loving care that he has. I've told him I have bad self esteem, so it's hard for me to believe that people like me. He was like, "You should believe it." He rubs my back when I ask, he holds me. He recently told me I should set up boundaries and speak up for myself after I vented, and I was like, "I'll try." He was like, "We can try together." 

He makes my heart and my ovaries swell LMFAO. I got a thing of two sugar cookies, and I was like, "Do u want the one w more or less sprinkles?" and he was like, "Less." I was like, "Do you not like sprinkles?" and he was like, "I do I just want you to have the one with more sprinkles." GUYS I AM OBSESSED WITH HIM!

He holds me so close, tells me my body is beautiful, watches porn less and drinks less because of me. He is everything I've ever wanted, and I can't believe he thought he would never get a girlfriend! Well, now he has one he can't get rid of LOL. 

Thx for reading xoxo