Blog || communication issues

Communicating with people often feels like it's more trouble than it's worth, especially if it's with someone who's supposed to be helping you. For the last year-ish I've been receiving mental health skill building services, which is supposed to mean that a counselor comes to my house and helps me with things I can't do alone by providing support, teaching skills, etc. In theory it sounds good, but in practice it hasn't helped all that much. Mostly because the 3 (!) counselors I've been through don't really do their job, and don't seem to understand what I need even though I've specifically told them what I need, multiple times.

One of the most important things about this kind of work is consistency, and the fact that my case has been passed around so much isn't a good start. Counselors also frequently don't call or visit when they say they're going to. This slows down or reverses progress.

These counselors are supposed to teach various life skills, but so far I haven't had much of that. The current one mostly just wants to ask how I'm doing (the answer is usually bad, and I reiterate the things I need help with) and then leave. The closest thing to "teaching" any of them have done is trying to get me to eat empty pseudo-motivational word salad. Apparently, if I put ~*~ Positive Vibes ~*~ into the universe, good things will happen to me. The implication that none of these people will ever acknowledge - because if something makes them feel good they don't think about it beyond the surface level - is that putting negative vibes into the universe will cause bad things to happen to me. So you're essentially telling me in an indirect, roundabout way that, for example, it was my fault when I was [redacted] because I wasn't thinking the right thoughts or experiencing the correct emotions beforehand. Thanks!

To be fair, they have helped a little. They have helped me find therapists, doctors, etc, and get back on medication and etc. The previous counselor I had was very effective in this area, and even though she also pissed me off with the positivity nonsense, I liked her the best.

But medication doesn't give you skills you don't have. It's not like in Fallout New Vegas where I can read a magazine and suddenly I can pick locks I couldn't before. I still need in-person support, and so far none of them seem to really want to do that part of the job. Whats worse is that my current counselor told me she would help in the beginning, then changed her mind and said no (basically she understood what I was asking for during the first session, then somehow stopped understanding later, thinking I was asking her for something she couldn't do??), then after some cajoling and reminding her of what's in her job description agreed to help me again, only to - so far - not follow through.

All this to say that this is one of the many instances where I feel like I'd be better off just not talking at all. I wear myself out on trying to get my needs met and trying to be specific about what those needs are and what my expectations are only for people - whose job is to understand - to not understand what I'm talking about. It's to the point where it almost feels like real life follows dream logic sometimes. At least if I stop talking I won't have voice dysphoria anymore lol