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I’ve been raised as a non dimensional Christian while going to a First Methodist church (cus it was my mom’s childhood church) my whole life,in 2020-2022 I had a phase of being atheist or pagan but recently I came back to being Christian again.
Right now I’m not entirely sure what to believe because on one hand I think it’s wonderful to believe that there’s any kind of deity that has guided humanity in life and the afterlife all these millions of years, but since there’s so many options of gods and goddesses in so many cultures I don’t know anymore,especially because I believe in the Christian god but I also believe that it’s possible that there’s the Greek gods/goddesses or Norse gods and goddesses
Please let me know if you’ve ever felt this before I’m really lost…
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When I was younger and God came to me (he was unlike anything I had seen), instead of immediately choosing one thing, I tried absolutely everything that interested me until I will not reach the religion that will be close enough for me.
The most interesting thing was that each of them accepted me, regardless of who I was and what kind of past I had (although at that age I didn’t really have a past. I already had my childhood behind me). I was even a Satanist for some time, turning my attention to Buer the most. I still feel my surprise now, remembering this. And also remembering that he saved me from paralysis. Without searching for the religion I needed, I would not have realized that evil does not really exist. This search took two or three years until I became convinced that my religion was unlike anything else.
But this did not stop me from becoming an Orthodox Christian out of the belief that it was easier this way. And I was not mistaken.
It doesn’t matter which search method you choose, you will in any case gain a new and educational experience for yourself. But I recommend relying on your sense of self and what you are most drawn to. Your puzzlement should become eager to find the answers you need.
In the oldest frescoes, there is a lamb on Christ’s shoulders. Instead of leaving the weakened animal behind, he takes it with him. Not one of the various gods or saints that exist will abandon you just because you are discouraged or lose faith. You will definitely find something that will bring you joy. After all, religion, in fact, can be absolutely anything...
Nic
I also had a crisis of faith near your age. And have been mildly obsessed with the topic ever since. It's okay to not be sure and take time to explore. A just god will not have you punished for coming to the wrong conclusion.
I don't believe it's possible for us to truly know all the finer details of supernatural truth ; philosophers have been debating this for thousands of years and are no closer to certainty. However, so long as we're making our best effort to live a good life, then I believe that's what should count for any potential divine judges watching. The ambiguity of it all is certainly unsettling after being raised in a culture of faith-based Absolute Truth.
It's okay to pray to whatever god you would like to. If the higher power is infinite, they can effectively take any form anyway and probably just appreciate the intent.
Some inspirational writers that helped me were Alan Watts, Carl Sagan, and Jim Palmer. Alan Watts has some good lectures on youtube to help with breaking out of the mold of institutional religious thought - my favorite is the Nature of God. Sagan is a fairly famous scientist - I see him as what I would call an Agnostic Optimist ; he sees the unknown as something not to be afraid of, but something exciting to discover. My favorite book of his is "The Demon-Haunted World" which provides some great sources to dismantle a lot of harmful fear-based superstitious thought. Finally, Jim Palmer is an ex-pastor who claims that Jesus's message was profoundly corrupted by the Apostle Paul ; In his books, Palmer claims that Jesus had set about to dismantle all religious institutions and that Jesus claimed god is within him just as much as all of us - that Jesus's whole point was to break the shackles of religious institutions and that in humanity's greatest act of irony, a religion was born worshiping him due to cultural imperialism.
So that was a lot, but I hope some of the sources can prove useful.