Why an eleven year old can relate to Fiona Apple in 2024.

The Nevada Sagebrush states “Apple's songs dove into themes of love, pain and self-discovery, which would end up being themes that follow through in all of her future albums. Her way of storytelling resonated with many at that time, including my mother.``. So why would an eleven year old relate to a fiona apple song? And why would the fact that this eleven year old is currently alive in 2024 have to do with anything? I understand why someone would ask these questions but I think the most important question to ask about all this is has this eleven year old had unrestricted internet access.This essay is about my sad, beneficial and sapphic history with Fiona Apple. Imagine yourself as a spectator to my life a couple weeks after my gay, spiritual and father figure of a teacher left. You've had an exhausting time because not only have you had to bottle up all your problems because of fear of being perceived as emotional due to past ridicule by certain family members and classmates. You're also fixing your mental health but then menstruation and lesbianism is in place, as well as poor emotional health or maybe it's just hormones or maybe you're just a kid. When I care deeply about something it occupies my good and bad thoughts. And just as Slyvia Plath I too feel things to my core but sometimes they are distant. And this component actually has much to do with my lover we’ll call Wvorozs D. I love Wvorozs D. with all my being but when I say that I mean my whole being as in my hate, my apathy, my dread, my ego, my insecurity. As well as my Love, my kindness, my justice, my open-mindedness, introspection and passion. Wvorozs D. Causes all those emotions due to my love for them. The brain or really my thoughts initiate all these emotions and Wvorozs D. occupies all my thoughts. When I'm feeling a negative or positive emotion Wvorozs is always there in all meanings of the sentiment. And if it wasn’t obvious, feeling negatively towards your partner (or your partner being present in your negative thoughts) can be detrimental to relationships. Now it’s time for you to understand why unrestricted internet access comes into place. With the internet or at least how I used it you learn alot of bad and good things. Not to mention most would already describe me and my partner as intelligent. And if you know anything about people with high intellect you surely know how prone they are to mood and anxiety disorders. ‘Why are smart people more prone to mental illness’ on Hanley center states “Karpinski and her team suspect the reason for this high rate of mental illness among Mensa members has to do with psychological overexcitability. Psychological overexcitability includes a greater tendency to ruminate and worry, both of which are common features of mood and anxiety disorders.” .And if you're familiar with the song “blow my brains out” by Tikkle Me you should understand this next part but if your not then i’d recommend actually listening to it instead of just reading the lyrics I’m going to put here.

“Sometimes I wish I could lend you my eyes

Lend you my hips and lend you my thighs

Sometimes I wish I could take a new shape

Switch out some parts and become a big A

Sometimes I wish I could lend you my ears

Lend you my thoughts and lend you my tears

Sometimes I wish I could take a new form

Switch out some parts and become like the norm

Lucky is she, who lives unaware

Who doesn't get bothered by those who don't care

Lucky is she, who lives unaware

Who doesn't get bothered by all that's unfair

Unlucky me, who knows way too much

Who fights to make changes and music and such

Unlucky me, aware of the pain

All 'cause I happen to have some brain

Sometimes I wish I could lend you my voice

Lend you my heart and lend you my choice

Sometimes I hope for a savior to come

Who's got what it takes to convince everyone

Sometimes I wish I could lend you my shoes

Lend you my life and lend you my truth

But sometimes the truth is just my point of view

Not what is real and not what is true

Lucky is she, who lives unaware

Who doesn't get bothered by those who don't care

Lucky is she, who lives unaware

Who doesn't get bothered by all that's unfair

Unlucky me, who knows way too much

Who fights to make changes and music and such

Unlucky me, aware of the pain

All 'cause I happen to have some brain

Lucky is she, who lives unaware

Lucky is she, who lives unaware

Unlucky me, who knows way too much

Who fights to make changes and music and such

Unlucky me, aware of the pain

All 'cause I happen to have some brain”.

Now that song is a basic description of my mind from infancy to childhood (which is now because as I’m writing this I am eleven). And its not because I'm regarded as smart but also because I like people of the female gender. I am a girl, I think. I am black. I am caribbean. And a lot of my behaviors don't align with social norms of 2024. Now that you have some background info you can understand why Fiona Apple was such a figure of admiration throughout my childhood. Especially since I’ve been bullied for a lot of my time on earth, 69 percent of the music I’ve/I listen too is relatable to me. That’s why I fell in love with Wvorozs D. in the first place. And honestly that's the reason why I and I think most people that enjoy Fiona Apple's music listen to it, because it’s nice to know someone gets it. I also think it’s because of the intense emotion and complexity put into her songs but that’s mostly unrelated to this essay. ‘Criminal’ and ‘Paper bag’ are really the most relatable but mostly or really entirely because of my relationship. Be aware lyrics are very prominent within this essay. The lyrics that I relate to the most within these songs were : “I've been a bad, bad girl

I've been careless with a delicate man

And it's a sad, sad world

When a girl will break a boy just because she can” “Don't you tell me to deny it

I've done wrong and I want to suffer for my sins

I've come to you 'cause I need guidance to be true

And I just don't know where I can begin” (The whole song is relatable but these lyrics were most prominent within me and my relationship) and these lyrics from plastic bag are especially towards my relationship mostly. “And I went crazy again today

Looking for a strand to climb, looking for a little hope

Baby said he couldn't stay Wouldn't put his lips to mine and a fail to kiss is a fail to cope

I said, "Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified

Come on put a little love here in my void,"

He said "It's all in your head,"

And I said, "So's everything" but he didn't get it

I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh, it kills

'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up

I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold

Hunger hurts, but starving works

When it costs too much to love”.

Let’s start with criminal, These lyrics relatable because during my menstruation and a week before such I was often emotional, irritable and caused conflict that could have been avoided or dealt with maturity if I was more logical but I guess my cycle brings out the infp in me (this is a mbti joke I am an intp). And I’m only bringing up how my cycle plays a role in things because it is the reason for most of my conflict but then again I take full accountability and my bodily functions are in no way an excuse for my behavior. Anyways due me being an empathetic and kind person at heart I feel and overbearing amount of guilt after I handle or react in a way that's harmful and just like in the song I feel like a criminal. And I hope with all my heart and inner power my behaviors haven't impacted or changed how my partner feels about relationships negatively. Now for “paper bag”, I always feel like no matter who you are you can’t see the glass onion i really am. I'm too complicated to understand. Or reduced to adjectives such as “cold”, “sensitive”, “crazy”, or “shy”. I used to care that people only saw me in those two lights and I feel as though my partner is in the middle which makes me happy and I will never expect anything more. While that would be awesome, no one can completely understand you. Only you can. So the conversation in the song isn’t as relatable anymore. But the Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh, it kills

“  'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up

I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold

Hunger hurts, but starving works

When it costs too much to love”. “ definitely is. This is relatable because I do know I’m a mess she doesn't want to and doesn't deserve to clean up. To be honest no one can really fix or help me in any way except me and mr. Henry (he was a real one). And I don't even know what to do especially since in any case of negative emotions I go non verbal or only mutter out short sentences. Which makes communication hard but we make it work. I think when she states I gotta fold I think it means I gotta hold my own hand or hug up on a pillow or something because you're too neurotic for someone to hold you as if you're in distress. And if that’s the case then it’d be very relatable because yes I do prefer alone time but trust me if you give me a tight and strong bear hug no matter how crazy I unstable or derange I act a bear hug will turn all of that ice into water. But just like fiona apple said, these are just too shaky to hold. I believe what she means by “hunger hurts but starvings’ worse when it calls too much to love” is it feels bad not being in a relationship would hurt but then not being able to love you enough or love the sickness away is worse. Or them leaving because you're too much. For the first scenario I don't really know because I'm not a mind reader so I wouldn't know if she really means it when she says she loves me. Sidebar; this is why you make sure you don’t raise bullies because due to my constant ridicule and harassment I find it hard to believe people when they compliment or express admiration towards me. And the second scenario is one of my worst fears because not only do I not want to burden her with myself but I also don’t want her to leave me because as my father said “an apology doesn't heal a bullet wound” or something along the lines of that. If you're wondering, being a kid in 2024 means being a kid died. The tween died. You're a teenager, there's no inbetween . Your mind isn't as pure as it should be. You're apathetic and desensitized. And never in your life do you take into consideration your a kid. But because of that fact you can change before it’s too late and it won't make you immature for doing so. If anything, acting mature at a young age is really immature. Keyword, acting.