i am the dog

Funny thing abt me, is that im such a hipocrite bitch, i beg the attention and love and presence of L, even tho he always want to die and we dont even talk that much and he doesnt love me the way i like anymore, but its not his fault, i mean, he is really tired, more than i, the only true rest that he could have is death a this point..and even tho, i resist it and  annoy him and grip to him bc he is the only one i can see a future with, the only one that needs me, and if he needs me the he cant leave me. So basically, the deep love that i feel, is just my survival sense.

I used to think that no one could love the same depth as i, i was so fucking delusional, i am my own betrayer, my own slaughterer, i dont deserve anything but i still want to be happy. L is my god, quite literally, the only hope that i can see, i fucking hate myself and i dont wanna do anything, im not good at anything, never enough, im a fucking waste, but he loves me, he needs me, he needs me..no one ever did bc im a pityful piece of shit, but he does and i dont wanna lose him, everyone has tried to leave me but him, everytime i came from school there he was, happy to see me, he needs me, so i need him even more, i fucked things up last year, he dont trust me anymore, sacrificing him for a life that i dont even want, i deserve life in this world, but he doesnt, he deserves heaven, but as the rotten cumdupmster i am, i beg him to stay. I have always been the true dog.