3:33 am insomnia thoughts / Scary sleep paralysis story

My parents must have gotten confused and chose "thought son". This is honestly just a super long ramble because I can't sleep and have nothing else to do. 

Recently I've been having so much trouble sleeping, I'll be up until early morning because I've become extremely self aware of when I'm falling asleep and then I will pass out once my body finally shuts itself down by force. 

I miss days where I would fall asleep on the couch of my childhood home and somehow wake up in my own bed in the morning, there was a magic to it, how I could painlessly tire myself out so much that I would be in such a deep sleep where I could be picked up and put somewhere else, I long for a night where I would sleep without the slightest noise waking me up in a state of flight or fight. A night where I didn't need to hold my cat in order to feel like I'm not going to have a panic attack while laying in the dark. I'm glad I have my cat, I don't know what I would do without her there to crawl onto my chest and be a source of kind pressure and a peaceful distraction. Her name is Lucipurr (Full name is Lucipurr goddess of the underworld) by the way (yes that's on her chip document), she's a very chunky black cat whom I rescued from my local shelter, and im convinced she's my familiar. 

When I was little I had too much time to myself so I taught myself how to lucid dream, and how to find that middle zone between being awake and asleep, I was able to manipulate the real world as it mixed with my dreams, as a kid this was so cool and I would make little fantasy creatures appear in my room, and as much of an anxious child as I was, these moments didn't become dark until later. At some point in my pre teens I experienced sleep paralysis for the first time, it was scary but I kinda just passed it off and forgot about it. 

Then it happened again when I was 18, I had just gone through a bad break up and one night I woke up from a really weird dream but couldn't move, the usual stuff that happens during a sleep paralysis episode. I was turned towards the side of my bed which faces the wall, I was freaking out and trying to move or speak and I couldn't, then I heard creaking from behind me, the floors in my old bedroom had a few creaky and pretty much unavoidable planks, there was a specific creaking pattern that would be made if someone walked from my door to my bed, and I swear I heard those noises, and it was like I could feel darkness behind me, I'm an incredibly spiritual and superstitious person by nature so I do believe the things about sleep paralysis being a portal and middle stage of sorts that can let in evil entities in the same way that astral projection can. Eventually I was able to Kill Bill my way out of it by slowly moving my toes and finger tips and then shooting myself fully upright. I was scared to go back to sleep that night, it hasn't happened since and I hope it never happens again.  

Since that experience I have been a bit of an anxious sleeper when it comes to entering that middle zone, through the years I have also done a lot of acid and mushrooms, more than what my brain could handle honestly, so now whenever I am in the dark, or close my eyes I will see enhanced patterns, sometimes these are pretty fractals and I enjoy the moments, but other times, especially since I am a very anxious person now, my inner thoughts will use this drug flashback experience to show me some unnerving things like faces or eyes watching me, so now every time I go to sleep while I'm having a week filled with anxiety I'm so worried about sleep, or what i'll see when I'm just trying to get enough sleep to function (which is a lot of sleep).  

Every creak of my house or noise in the dark makes me jump now, which is funny because im a huge fan of horror movies and true crime lmao. 

If I could take back the heroic mushroom trip that I did a bit ago that seemed to really push my brain over the edge I would, I can't smoke weed or drink (I still drink anyway though) without becoming anxious or feeling like I'm on mushrooms again in an uncomfortable mental way along with a weird body feeling. I'm pretty sure I have HPPD (persisting drug flashbacks) and I just wish it would go away so I could feel normal ugh... 

I kinda feel like a lame posting this but idk maybe someone will relate in some way and we can bond over it.