Been going with the flow lately

It's usually when I don't follow my own intuition or worse, follow the advice of others about myself and how I should move is when things become stagnant or disastrous for me. I'm a pretty decisive person nowadays and I don't endlessly second guess my decisions. This isn't to say I don't go to friends for advice or reflect if I make a bad choice. There are exceptions to the rule and I am an adaptable doughball of information that will keep the good and purge anything proven useless or detrimental to myself without having to be loud about it.

I think this radical ability to make quick, good decisions comes from the fact that I was the opposite of that as a teenager. I didn't trust myself so I didn't know what I wanted and because I didn't know what I wanted I didn't trust myself. It's that feedback loop from hell (if you get the reference to that book, nice). So from a freshly gained self awareness of that internal issue I had (all issues are internal) I realized that I'm the only one who can make real decisions for myself, whether I like it or not. And I am going to live past 18 because even at the time deep down I knew I still wanted to. I think being a perpetual victim to your own head making up the worst case scenario is like committing mini suicides because you prolong the inevitability of your own happiness or suffering (which will always turn into happiness on the other end). That itself is a form of suffering and it is completely unnecessary. Live life and shake off mistakes and little embarrassments, you're taking yourself too seriously if you can't handle that.

People have a tendency to overestimate their fuck ups, making a mountain out of a molehill, crying over spilled milk, all these different sayings for people who can't handle that they can mess up. We as a culture can get really tired of the same old lessons of 'nobody is perfect' and 'try your best and you will always succeed!' because I think most humans are fundamentally in need of being beaten over the head with it at every stage of their development, and that's only because we can forget that not everything in life is meant to be taken that seriously. However, indecision is serious. 

Bad decisions are better than indecision, which sounds insane at first but when you think about it, it's true. From a quickly made bad decision, you can easily realize where you went wrong instead of backtracking on the long justifications you made to yourself during the indecision period that still lead you to the bad decision. Which can cause you to question your thought process and brain functions, I speak from experience. I'd rather be retarded in the moment and admit fault than ruminate about my previous rumination that still lead to an issue I tried to avoid. Instead I roll with the punches of life and I've been better off. 

I'm sure my outlook can and will change when it comes to more life experience but I know that I'm on the right track and if I am not, I give myself the grace I'll need if it ever blows up in my face.

Because hey, at least I decided on something.