Soleil, 2025 | San Diego, CA | Pre-Awakening
“It’s ok, Soleil,” Jet half whispered to me. “I won’t hurt you.” He was crying. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
Adult me, a ghostlike form, watched child me at the worst moment of my life.. again.
A boy ran into the kitchen and tackled Jet but Jet wasn’t having it. He slammed the boy into the sink above me. My 7-year-old self screamed. Then noise.
”Don’t look!” Jet yelled. I squeezed my eyes shut. A crunching sound. “STAY HERE.” I opened my eyes. Jet was gone and i saw the body. The boy was dead on the floor of my father’s kitchen. I didn’t need to ask.
I watched myself realize what was going on then run numbly toward the living room.
”No no no,’ Jet groaned. Black liquid on the floor.. it poured down her face as she screamed, then it poured down my face and everything went black.
God i hate this.
—
I woke up to mad barking from Jack and Sydney who were running down the stairs so fast that i could have sworn they were rolling violently. I opened one eye slightly and saw that the sun had barely come up, it was very early. There was hushed chattering coming from the dining area. Whoever it was tried to be quiet in hopes that the dogs somehow didn’t wake me, but i always heard everything going on in the living area and kitchen from up here anyway. I wasn’t upset over being woken up so early, it spared me some heartache; the next scene in that dream killed me every time. I didn’t want to see mom and dad’s bodies again. Fifteen years later the image was burned into my memory, so not actually seeing them in this dream on this particular morning wouldn’t make a huge difference, but it helped a tiny bit. Regardless, i was still a little grumpy. I got up out of my huge, fluffy, warm bed and stuck my head over the railing. I rubbed my eyes and yawned. Tess was happily petting the dogs as they wagged their tails.
“Hey, honey!” She called up to me cheerfully. “Come on down! Nina’s ready to start breakfast!”
“Sol!” Adahna was with Tess and waved up at me. I grinned back. Adahna was usually attending to her own tasks so seeing her here was a fun surprise and i was even more grateful. I wondered how many people were attending this breakfast; it seemed like more than Tess let on.
“What happened to ‘brunch?’” I grumbled.
“Apparently everyone but us gets up with the sun!” Tess snorted sleepily as Adahna snickered. “Please make coffee.” She pleaded up at me, looking pathetic.
“Oh i see, you woke me up early for coffee!” I laughed.
“You make good coffee, barista!”
“I’m here for coffee, too!” Adahna called up to me, nonchalantly.
“Yeah yeah, gimme a second.” I called back down. I went to my closet, got dressed then pulled on a very comfortable, thick hoodie. I tied my long, white hair into a messy bun and wrapped a scarf around it. I’m sure Tess warned them that I’m sensitive about my skin and hair, telling them to refrain from staring, but i was still nervous. I put on my old, worn out pink Converse chucks and went downstairs. When Tess saw my face up-close, she and Adahna shot each other worried glances then looked at me, concerned. They knew the mom-and-dad-dream look. The black fluid on the dark living room floor flashed through my mind again, then the next scene of Jet snatching me up and running into the kitchen played. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head quickly at her. We could talk about it later. Maybe.
Remembering Jet sent a jolt through me and i inhaled sharply. I was about to see him. Jack came over to me and leaned against my leg. He looked up at me and nipped my hand then licked it. I grinned and pet him. He gave me a little dog smile. Tess furrowed her eyebrows skeptically and continued petting Sydney.
“We’ve got you. Ok?” Adahna took my hand. She stared at me and i nodded once. I darted into the kitchen to grab everything i needed to make the juice i promised, then all of us, including Jack and Sydney, went downstairs to Tess’ apartment, Jack staying close to me. My mom and da—Iov—were waiting in front of Tess’s door. They lit up when they saw me.
“Aww hey!! We missed you!” Hugs were exchanged then mom handed me a paper bag full of stuff. Mom is a trucker—she’s so cool!—and she’d been out driving for about two weeks. I saw da every few days because he worked with Tess, but it was still not as much as we liked.
“I missed you too!” I took the bag and looked at her curiously.
“I got an Outer Banks delivery! Brought you some ‘pieces,’” she beamed. “A few postcards too!”
“Ooh! Thank you! This is amazing!” I rummaged through the treasures and thought of where they would end up; i collected ‘pieces’ of places in mason jars that lined my room and the cafe; this would be more to add to my OBX collection.
Mom took me to her hometown in North Carolina a few times in her truck when i was a kid and i loved it. We went all over the outer banks and we saw every lighthouse there, something she’d never been allowed to do as a child. The area was beautiful and fascinating, plus it had interesting spiritual energy. She probably would have asked me to go with her this time but she knew i was fully occupied here with the cafe and the underground.
We ran the sentient, magical and top secret Underground—Panto—and we took in kids that had nowhere else to go due to abuse and human trafficking. Sometimes, if one of the kids that ended up with us missed their old home, mom would try to get a trip to their hometown and collected things that they described, then she brought it back for them in their very own jar that they could keep in their space in the underground. It really made them happy when she did that. They’d always have a piece of home. I grinned at mom but she and da wore very strained smiles; they knew how nervous i was.
Tess gave me a look and i knew my stalling was over. Oh boy, i thought. I nodded reluctantly at her then she opened the door.
Song | M83, “Midnight City”
★ Issue #12 ||| 5.1.2024 ★
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