Chapter One ★ CNS Issue #8

Soleil, 2025 | San Diego, California | Pre-Awakening

         That fleeting moment when you meet someone from another world. He was standing to my right waiting to order, and he couldn’t stop glancing over. It wasn’t lust, it was admiration, awe. I felt my face grow hot as I blushed. I sighed. I knew i looked very unusual so i was used to this but i still found it unnerving when people did it. They couldn’t seem to help it. My whole life i’d been told that something about me drew people in and they always felt lighter, happier, after being near me for a while. I looked right at the guy and smiled brightly; it wasn’t a fake smile, it was genuine. I knew that somehow he’d feel better after this encounter, and even though this guy looked like he’d seen some shit, he looked young and carefree when he smiled back. I was used to that, too.

         I looked away from the guy and focused on the cashier, fishing around in my pockets for the list of food from Rhett and Nhucha. They wanted lots of rolled tacos, a burrito to split and a couple of large horchatas to sneak onto a San Diego Harbor Tour. Nhucha and i were going to cram it all in our purses then casually sip the drinks on our way onto the boat; usually they didn’t say anything about drinks. Eventually the food I ordered was ready. I gathered it all and turned around to find Nhucha right behind me, her eyes sparkling with hunger.

         “Need help baby girl?” She asked as she took the horchatas off my hands. Her blood red curls blew into her face and she shook them off. “Why the hell didn’t i bring a hair tie?”

“Heyyy thanks,” i said cheerfully as she took the drinks off my hands. “You can use mine.” I always had tons of hair ties on my wrist so i twisted them playfully at her. She looked relieved.

“Oh good!” She handed Rhett the drinks through the car window and he placed them in cupholders absentmindedly as he looked for a song- most likely 80’s pop- on his phone. She took one of my hair ties and pulled her hair into a messy ponytail, then hurried to the passenger side of the car. I usually let the tall people have shotgun without a fight, especially in Rhett’s old 1980 Honda Accord; it was smaller than new cars, though much cooler in my opinion. I was small- only 5’3”- and fit in compact spaces, so this worked perfectly. He named it Kodachrome because it was the first song he played when he got it.

We had ventured out to El Cajon for the food since Silver’s was our absolute favorite place to go for tacos and burritos, but it was out of the way and we had a longer than usual drive back to the docks. This didn’t bother me, i loved being in the energy of my city and relaxing in the back of a car let me absorb everything i could. I needed tonight more than anything right now. I rolled the window down, closed my eyes and inhaled. I let my thoughts go, my hair blowing in the wind, until we hit city limits.

The smell of tortillas, asphalt and the sea. This is my home. Most people probably hear this description and think it’s disgusting, but i just can’t. I love everything about this city. I haven’t loved any other city like i have loved San Diego. Actually, i found most cities rather disgusting and full of horrible energy.. but not this one.

The wind and relaxation had me a little lost in my thoughts; i started obsessing over what needed to be done at the cafe then immediately chastised myself for thinking about work. I forced myself to focus on fun things: putting more crystals and hanging lights in my garden, a painting i was working on, the fact that my gamer friends missed me and i missed them as well. I loved MMORPG’s but i hadn’t been able to play in a while; everything had been so chaotic lately, weird things were happening, things i couldn’t talk to them about, things that made me unable to focus on much other than this broken world.

Then the spiraling started; i didn’t know what to think about any of it. It had been like this for a while now; the political climate was chaotic and hideous. It felt like we were on the very edge of something. I could feel the tension and i felt like i was suffocating. I could generally feel the energies of both people and places, but since the pressure was seemingly building, i constantly felt drained unless i was around my friends or my family. Even then, i still felt out of it. This is part of the reason i’d had so little time for anything less stressful; i was exhausted from the insanity. I shook my head as if doing so would banish this feeling, then i felt someone poke my knee and saw Rhett grin in the rearview mirror.

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★ Issue #8 ||| 1.1.2024 ★