a 14 Years Old Girl ( bloody hell! she need therapy! )

Part 1

Bloody hell I need therapy!

 So yeah you're reading my blog right now, are you my sister? if yes GET OUT! LOL

 Why am I writing a blog? Yeah, why? That's because I probably wanted to be famous? To be seen? To be understand? Was that a valid answer? maybe that's it. that's really it. :(

 Are you like me? Who's mentally unstable? who's suicidal? oh well I got you bro/girlie

 "Who I am...? Where am I? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" I screamed loudly in my dreams. I was so dizzy when I woke up, and all I remember was being stabbed by a big faceless man who treated me like a little princess when I was a kid until now LOL! I don't know is it a dream? Or a nightmare? I really don't know. But it was my greatest. So yeah let's move on, on that topic. So yup I was just a simple girl who always wanted to be okay but everything in her life was fucked up, I mean look it's not too late since I am only just 14 years old but why I do look like I am giving up? What the hell am I doing? Am I out of my mind?! It's like I know, I always know I have the chance to change and make my life even better but I'm just ruining it?! Well, I have a reason. It's because I know I'll die early. after all, I already planned when, and where I will die! (wait that sounds isn't good, I meant not really good to share, but yeah whatever! let' continue.) WHY THIS GIRL WANNA DIE?! Just because I want to ;)

 "I just wanna let you know that you're a disappointment and a waste of time." coming from a person I really really admire/adore... It hurts you know? Even he meant that was a joke... It hurts... Like, girl? He said he liked me but how come he said that to me easily? Like he didn't know my feelings existed?! AUGH! What the hell is really wrong?! Okay so let me tell you my love story with that guy. 

First day of school. I was sitting down peacefully, looking around and saw a man wearing a black jacket, I was like: OH wow he looked so cute! And... WAIT?! Why was he dressed like the man in my dreams?! AND?! The same HAIR?! My heart beats fast, it paces like the speed of a bunny! I felt warm at the same time scared. Months later. I didn't choose to talk to him until we got together in that one groupings about the video performance project (he was my member). 3 days later... I was assigned to be the extra character in our film while Ken was the second main character or what you called the protagonist. Then after some hours of filming, we finally have accomplished to finished the short video we made! And since I got my eyes on him of course I heard what are they talking about ( Lenard and Ken were talking ), I heard them talking about cigarettes soooooo I joined! I was like: "You smoke?" LOL and then he replied, "Yeah, I do." "Let's buy cigarettes, you pay for the cigarettes I'll buy the lighter," I said. And guess what, he was like, "Yeah sure thing, let's go." (after that we smoked.). Month later. We got close because of that we developed feelings. And one day I confessed. But I added in my confession that don't love me back/don't accept my confession, "I'm worse you know." (yeah I was dumb, if I hadn't said that I probably not have written this blog rn) SAD! Months later. He confessed, but I said, "No, It's but gonna work out dummy." even though I loved him. (it's really complicated!) Month later. We had a little confession (AGAIN!?) I told him I drank many pills and asked him what's his last word for me. He said, "Did you know someone whose first letter of his name is H? And end with N?" "No," I replied. And he responded, "It was me." (OH my god Ken what the fuck is "H"?!) And of course, until now I still don't own him. SAD! FUCKING SAD!

 That's only the summary anyway LOL.

 And after he told me I was a disappointment, I blocked him. AND NOW WE HAVEN'T STILL TALKED FOR DAYS! That's very sad, really really sad

 Fun fact: We don't talk often in real life, but he and I talk fine on social media. (average both shy/introverted person)

 So yeah, let's talk about you, about your mental health, like I said are you also mentally unstable? Like me? Or maybe worse than me? Well, do you wanna talk about it? I'm always active in my discord! ( username: _spider.web_ ) Please let's talk about it! I can help!

 Alright, let's move on. Why does this girl need therapy? Oh let me tell you. I might kill myself anytime. Wish my parents could realise I was suffering from depression, social anxiety, hallucinations, and insomnia, cause no one really tried to help me except for myself (and Ken, he tried but no I'm never gonna let him know why I am suffering).

"I'M REALLY REALLY TIRED OF EVERYTHING!" my head screams. Oh wish I could scream that to the world.

Poem Of a Girl

She was melt

Oh, she never felt,

That she was loved

By the person she admired.

Who is she?

No clue, never found a key,

Oh, I think you forgot that in her case

That she never embrace

There is a person that she chase.

Oh, you read all? I'm glad. Thanks for reading it! Please let me know in the comment what you think about my blog LOL!