"Arson" a poem

Notes: I got this all out in one sitting and it felt super cathartic. Please excuse any errors, I was v emotional writing this and I mostly just wanted to post this to keep a record of it. 

Brimstone’s smoke burns my lungs as I choke
on the fear that I feel on my heart as I spoke

“Officer, I’m the one who charred his face.
He was saying I was a woman he couldn’t replace
but he meant that I was the girl who can’t
say ‘no.’ The one who won’t just plant
seeds of joy, instead I sow
all weeds. Just weeds. And I know
it’s a crime but he kept me in bed.
He fed me with pills and screamed till I bled
all over the floor with gasoline. Officer I just mean
that things aren’t what they seem.
He lit matches with biting words and clenched fists

and I simply wasn’t made for this.

Now Officer I don’t necessarily mean a life in fear.
No. No he held me, he was here.
As my blood pooled and the floorboards soaked
with the ignition I needed I finally choked
‘not today my love, not today not today.
I simply cannot deal with the things that you say.
Cause the venom you speak is killing me
and this isn’t how love and life is supposed to be.’

He didn’t like that.

He lit another match.

‘You’re not better than me,’ he began. ‘You’re nothing.
You have nowhere to go, no one to love. ‘ He was bluffing
but sparks spewed from his mouth when he said something
about how I couldn’t leave. But it was coming.

Shocking words started the fire and he held me close,
so close that I could smell poison in his hair. Continuing to boast,
‘I’m everything! I’m everything! Your whole world and more.
You’re nothing! You’re nothing! Just Daddy’s little whore.’

Now Officer with this in mind, wouldn’t you too walk away?
Not running, not pushing, just walking day by day
further and further from hell. I didn’t mean to feed the fire
but he provided sparks. I was in dire
straits, horrified by the smell of burning flesh and brimstone…
I had to let it burn. I had to let in burn.”

“Did you learn?” the Officer asked, scribbling notes with a frown.
“Learn what?” I asked choking sobs down.
The Officer sighed, “did you keep your legs closed or is your period in town?”