24-04-28 (re-brand)

hallo,

i am totally re-doing everything on my spacehey. i do not know if i will post more after that but the messyness was really starting to bother me.

i really like the idea of having a silly little blog with 2000s vibes and whatnot but idk what to post. i also don't know how to type, in the sense that i do not know how much energy to put into my text. should i use an exclimation mark here? should i put periods after everything? should i use capital letters?

'tis a struggle. 

in earlier posts, i wrote in a fake-ish way so i think that if i type how i talk i will be more enclined to blog. that is what i am doing here. it makes me nervous to be myself, even with the anonymity that one has on the internet, but i think that is what the internet is for: to be yourself.

people in real life can be so mean and they can also be so mean on the internet but the internet has a block button.

i don't think that people understand me in real life. i am probably autistic (before you get all "self diagnosis!!! evil!!!!" on me, everyone from a classmate i've talked to only a few times to my mother think i may be autistic. i am not pulling this out of my ass after relating to a tiktok. i hate tiktok.) and i think that that is a common feeling for autistics. not sure what to do with this information, though.

i feel insanly different from my peers, and maybe this is just a teenager thing. i feel like people won't want to get close to me. we can be friends, but from a distance. i do not feel this way with everyone though. i have been able to make 2 friends at highschool and both of them are autistic which is notable for sure. my elementary friends are also autistic or suspected to be.

speaking of friends, have i got some drama for you. 

although i don't feel like typing out a bunch. basically, one of my closest friends has comepletly changed his personality to match what he perceives to be what the "popular kids" are like. he says he wants to be friends with them, but he also wants to be friends with us (me and our friends).

he is not friends with popular kids because he is being an annoying ass hole (which if that is what he thinks those kids are like i don't know why he wants to be friends with them). in addition, he really thinks he can become friends with these people. how figuratively delusional of him.

and, he is drifitng away from his previous friends since he is being an ASS!

in ligher news, i painted my nails. i painted them black with akemi homura from puella magi: madoka magica style stars on my middle fingers in white. i like them and i love homura.

auf wiedersehen.