It’s weird to know your gonna be a corpse soon.

This is just a little mind thingy. But after rewatching the midnight gospel again, it’s made my brain go WOW! 

Cuz while I know the things I am and the things I love probably won’t be around after like 100 years or so, I love to just, be. I love that while I can’t experience everything, everything I’m experiencing is special to only me. Only I can experience these memories and viewpoints, even if it is a jumbled mess.

I used to be so angry and hate filled due to issues with my family, and while that same angry child can still come out of me at times, she’s still as much as me as I am now. Even if I change dramatically or don’t change at all, all these versions of me are still me.

The thought of death is still scary and while some versions of me are still scared and some aren’t, I feel like death is really pretty. She might be big and powerful, but she’s as much as life is as life is as her. It’s not her fault she has to be big and powerful, it’s just that life is perceived by most as a giant beautiful flower while death is a spikey weed. 

I know that I’ll soon be a corpse, but at the same time I know that I’ll probably never get to experience it as I am. A human being. I may continue to be a being and exist, but that’s it. It’s a 50/50 chance that everyone has to take wether we like it or not. Cuz while I feel like I am a gutsy and chancey kinda person, I know that in my soul that I’m just prepping myself for the day I die. And while it’s a depressing thought I like to think that in this life and in this body, that’s how you play the game.