i'm a school-bound hikikomori

There was a time, not so long ago, when the mere thought of leaving my room would fill me with a paralyzing sense of dread. I had become a hikikomori, a recluse trapped in the confines of my own four walls, too terrified to face the outside world. The only exception was school - that was the one time I'd force myself to venture out, to mingle with the throngs of people who seemed to navigate social situations with such effortless grace.

Walking through those school doors was like stepping into a foreign land, every nerve ending alight with anxiety. The chatter of my classmates, the bustling energy of the hallways, it was all too much for my overstimulated senses to handle. I'd find myself constantly scanning the room, hyper-aware of every movement, every lingering gaze. The mere thought of having to interact with someone, to make small talk or engage in group activities, was enough to send my heart racing.

And the stress didn't end when the final bell rang. The trek back home, the mere act of navigating the streets and crowds, felt like an insurmountable feat. I'd walk with my head down, avoiding eye contact at all costs, my entire body tense and coiled like a spring ready to snap. The relief I'd feel upon finally closing my bedroom door behind me was almost palpable, a weight lifted from my shoulders as I retreated back into the safety and solace of my self-imposed exile.

This is still me.

S