my feelings are confusing

idk why and when did all of this start but i just wanna know why i  feel empty and incomplete like im missing something , no matter how many good things happen in my life , no matter how many people i meet , no matter how much i tried to change the way i felt i always got that heavy weight in my heart even when im happy , mad , sad , everything just feels unreal i loved too much and now im suffering what i cant get back from , i dont wanna end up in a grave rn i wanna live  but i wanna feel something normal for once before i get there naturally i just hope that one day i can feel like im not just a extra character in this life maybe one day i can get out of it but until then i have no idea what i will do about it so i just live with it