are all ladybugs girls?

the air here is so dry and thin. I'm so dry and thin. brittle, cracking, stomping curbs and kicking empty shooters across the street. the grass is still wet. maybe I can lick the wet leaves of the bushes, like the ladybugs and the spiders do. little cigarette filters in the drain, too small to use but big enough to catch my attention for a short while. I cant help but think about God. what is God? where is God? why haven't I yet seen a comically large hand reaching through the atmosphere to give me a pat on the back for still being alive? atheism is lonely but being religious is like being stabbed in the gut. I guess consider me a martyr for something I don't even believe in. now I'm giggling. I think my guts are gonna come out through my mouth and onto the floor. I'm inside. I'm drabbing on a computer that's practically on the verge of death. I was never outside. its just the imagery that takes you somewhere else, somewhere better. what was I talking about? oh yeah. I think my favorite insect is dragonflies.